Without further ado, here is the review of the much hyped and much anticipated film of the season "Crotchmen."
The film stars a bunch of no-names but is directed by Zack Snyder whose previous works include 300 and Dawn of the Dead.
Zack has his own particular style, and there is no doubt he is a talented director, but as with any movie, the story and script are more important factors of a movie.
The following synopsis has been written using fiction however as with fiction, there is always a grain of truth. This was done to not give away too much of the story so I wont get sued before the film comes out, but also because the film is too long to describe on this forum.
Crotchmen tells the story of washed up superheros trying to figure out what to do with their lives all the while things are going on in the world that will create plot holes later on. Tensions are mounting between the U.S. and the USSR as this film is set in the mid 1980s during the cold war. I am not a crook however is the president and is just about to blow up the world until the superheros come in and the movie takes a different direction and ends up going nowhere.
A huge blue guy acts gay and two superheros have oates, lots of people die and the world gets blown up with no explanation or purpose. This is "Crotchmen."
I kept wondering what the point of it all was during the whole movie. I felt no connection to any of the characters what-so-ever, and I have to say this film fails in the same way Spiderballs 3 fails. There's just too much going on to shove into one film. On top of that, it happens very slowly with action sequences sprinkled here and there. Maybe a stu person would understand this film but I sure as heck don't and I really didn't care either.
Granted, the special effects are good, but it isn't anything I haven't seen before. The oates scenes are good, but not worth 8 bucks. There really is no nudity other than boobs and that's it.
Diehard superhero movie fans will love this to death and likely won't keep looking at their watch as I did, but this kind of film is not my thing. That doesn't mean I haven't seen superhero movies done really well. Two come to mind, Dark Knight and Iron Balls.
The camera movements, artistry and the like are done well, but the story suffers from too many subplots and slow moving in general. There is no reason to care for the stuper heros, who look like better counterparts.
For example, There is a superhero who looks like Batman but isn't. There is a guy who looks and acts like Iron Balls, but isn't. There is a chick who looks like Wonder Woman, but isn't, and there is a gay robin like guy...who isn't. The coolest character in the film wears a mask most of the whole film and doesn't have enough screen time.
I guess if you are a fan of the comic books and you like slow confusing movies, this one is for you, but if you are a regular average joe with a film degree, you'll be bored to tears.
Here is some advice for Warner Brothers and Paramount for Friday's release of this film. TRIM THE FAT!
I know this would require some late night editing and maybe even pushing the film back another week, I suggest they do this.
Another thing, DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE.
Overhyped movies tend to suck and this one is no different.
2 stars out of 5. At least I got to see it for free and didn't mistakenly shell out 8 bucks.
"Want to see me naked? You're in luck. Is it worth it? Not really"
Hea, why live in a world where you literally and figuratively have blue balls? I don't know.
