Mission Impossible III - (Ahguy Impossible III)

[Kaing of Kaings]

Now first off, I must tell you I was never a fan of the Ahguy...I mean Mission Impossible series. The only thing I remember from the first was the scene at the beginning when Emilio Estevez gets smashed by an elevator and Tom Cruise getting blown onto a train from a Kang explosion.

As far as the second one goes, I have never seen it but John Woo movies with their slow mow fart in the air style don't really interest me that much. But now that I have seen the third installment in the series, I guess I might try to rent it.

Now onto Mission Impossible III - The Fartening. One of the main reasons I saw this movie was that Capote was in it. Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays a ruthless bad guy who is out to sell some arms and a weapon to some Crimson Jihads. The weapon is so powerful that if it was unleashed on the world, it would destroy it. The weapon is a canister containing the pass gas from none other than Tom Cruise himself. The gas is so bad, that the whole world would be shrouded in a cloud of methane and people would pass out in seconds. Death would follow.

Anyway, Tom Cruise realizes that this would jeopardize his status as a quack and ruin the mission of Scientology which is to make everyone jump on couches at the same time around the world. And so the mission begins.

SPOILERS:
We start off with Agent Ethan Hunt and his knock out wife at some "I'm getting married to Katie Holmes" party. The guests are all having a Kang time when Tom comes in and jumps on the couch and scares everybody out. He gets a phone call and realizes that it is his mission to save another KO from PSH. He proceeds to fly a helicopter through the Wind Turbines outside of Palm Springs and visits Leeroy Turtlehead in the BLM office where we see Leeroy trying to take a turtle. Tom tells Leeroy that he stresses his bowels to hard and doesn't need a pill to help him poo. A fight scene ensues and Leeroy kicks his ass.

Next PSH visits Gomps in downtown LA. They have a nice chat and Gomps mentions that PSH should star in a Ubstudios film. PSH agrees and proceeds to be a bad guy. Some explosions happen and the story is over and everybody in the audience gets blown away by the last shot on the screen which is a shot of Tom Cruises ass.

END SPOILERS

Actually, if you couldn't tell, none of that is based on what goes on in the movie. So what do I think of the movie...It actually isn't that bad. In fact, it is one of the better action films I have scene in a long time. There were times where I was actually interested in the story, or the sequence. That’s the first time that has happened in the theater to me this year. PSH did a good job as a sadistic bad guy bent on farting in front of Tom Cruise and his wife. Tom Cruise does an ok job and the other characters are some what non-stu. Overall, I was impressed with J.J. Abrams style and pacing for the movie. Not bad for a first time director of a movie. I would have to give this movie 3 out of 4 stars...not a bad start to the summer movie season.



Tom: "Come on babe. It will be great. I will go on Oprah and announce my love for you and then I will proceed to make an ass out of myself. So what do you say."

Michelle: "What about Katie and the baby....Suri...or what ever her name is."

Tom: "Come on babe. I'm Tom Cruise. I know the secret to life is somewhere under your pants..Ell Ron Hubbard told me so."

Michelle: "Oh god, not that Dianetics shit again."



Tom: "See Katie...This is the part where my wife in the movie in I have sex. Can you see the expression on her face when I flash my piece?"

Katie: "OMG, your prosthetic is so big. You must be a big bright shinny star. It's too bad it's not like that in real life."

Tom: "What, I can't hear you. My fans are too loud."

Katie "Never mind."



Hoffman: "Do you have a girlfriend. Cause if you do, i'm going to find her. Then i'm going to fart on you in front of her. Then i'm going to fart on her in front of you. Then you’re going to fart on her in front of me. Then i'm going to that bathroom over there and i'm going to take a dump in front of both of you. Then i’m going to wipe in front of....."

[leeroy_t]

How long was the actual turbine scene?
They spent 4-5 weeks filming that. It was in the middle of July and like 110-115 every day so they filmed it at night with these huge flood lights.

[TheStuboy]

You know what, what I sell and what I get shouldn't be of concern to you, what should be of concern to you is every single word I say because when I say something, its bound to be extremely stiff and important, so listen up. Because if you don't, I'm going to plant a turtle in your head, and then I'm going to fly into walls as you throw me in the final minutes of the movie.


The third and not last installment of the Mission Impossible series beats the second movie hands down and, from what little I remember, may even be better than the first film. Tom Cruise would love to read that wouldn't he. He deserves an award for hogging the screen more than Laurence Fishbourne in this film.

I do digress though, there are subtle moments of character developement sequences that are basically to pass time, most notably the scene where the chinese chick talks about her cat to Fred Savage.

Oh yeah, and look out for a guy who looks like Elliot from E.T. (Henry Thomas) should look when he is a little older. Well better get back on subject since there is oh so much to talk about in this film.

I'm usually not fond of non-stop in your ass action sequences but I have to admit, the helicopter chase and bridge scenes kicked ass. Its cool to finally see Palm Springs, California, if only for about 6 minutes.

If you watch this movie and aren't paying attention to Tom Cruise, then you'll thoroughly enjoy this film as I did. However, if you have kept up and are a diehard Cruise fan, you'll likely think you've seen this all before, and you have, the prequels.

I give props to the casting of Phillip Semour Hoffman, who plays a ruthless stiff talking badass, who seems to be all talk and no action, except when he is getting his ass kicked in the final moments of the film.

Mission Impossible 3 gets 2.1997 stars out of 4 since it was a nice way to spend a Saturday night by myself.



You know, with the right makeup and one of those crafty face machines, I could honestly look like Henry Thomas, only older.


Okay Tom, in this sequence Phillip is going to grab your sac like this see, and then he is going to threaten to cut it off but never do so, got it?


Taking lessons from Harry Potter, Ethan Hawk, er Hunt, flies through the air with the power of the goblet of flatch in this explosive scene that rips off True Lies in so many ways, one might say its unoriginal, see the resemblence?