Best Movies of 2021
1. CODA - (Glad this little movie went all the way at the Oscars. A little charm in a dark world)
2. West Side Story - (Spielberg still knows how to make a movie)
3. A Quiet Place 2 - (A Quiet Wet Fart 2...Ooops)
3. (Tie) 8-Bit Christmas - (A touching story about a boy wanting a Nintendo and a pissed off dad)
4. Mitchells vs the Machines - (Cartoon G-Dad tries to bond with his daughter)
4. (tie) Godzilla vs Kong - (An Improvement over Kang of the Monsters. Yes it's a dumb monster movie with stupid plot holes but big monsters playing ballwars makes me happy)
5. Raya and the Last Dragon - (Fuzzy Dragons for tickling...hea)
5. (tie) Kaing Richard - (Will Smith before the Slap!)
5.(tie) Luca - (What lurks beneath the waves...hea does)
5. C’mon C’mon - (Joaquin Phoenix and little kid act their balls off)
6. Jungle Cruise - (The Rock goes Ahhhh around Emily Blunt)
6. (tie)Spiderman - No Way Home - (Spiderballs - No Schweaty Balls Home)
7. Finch - (Tom Hanks gets old balls in a futuristic hot house sweaty balls world)
7. (Tie) No Time to Die - (007 Has No Time For Emotion but time for Flatch)
7. (Tie) Sing 2 - (Boy still hasn’t found what boy is looking for)
8. The Last Duel - (Hessian MAATTT DAMON vs KYLO REN)
8. Dinner in America- (Punk and Weirdo hit the town)
9. Escape Room: Tournament of Champions - (Fart Chamber: Tournament of Flatulence)
9. (Tie) Tick Tick...Boom - (Tick Tick...Fart!)
9. (Tie) The Eyes of Tammy Faye - (The Eyes of Hea)
10. Riders of Justice - (Mads Mickelson shings a bunch of people in the eastern block)
10. (Tie) The Ice Road - (The Liam Neesons get in Old Man ballwars on ice)
11. Land - (Robin Wright gets stuck in a smelly cabin somewhere in the Wyoming wilderness)
Runner Ups:
Nobody, Those Who Wish Me Stu, In the Heights, Supernova, Wrath of Man, Free Ahguy, The Green Knight, Don’t Breath 2, Licorice Pizza, Ghostbusters - Afterfart Newsletter, Malignant
"Rose and Floes and Angel Hair...Ice Cream castles in the air....heeeeaa haaaaa someething soomeething....I've looked at life that way....)
Best Documentaries of 2021
1. Q, Into the Storm
1. (Tie) The Rescue
2. Torn
3. The Beatles: Get Back
4. Val
5. Welcome to Earth - (Will Smith Slaps people across the world...too soon?)
6. Night Stalker, The Hunt for a Serial Killer
7. Crime Scene: The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel
8. UFO
Best TV of 2021
1. Cobra Kai- Season 4 -(Kreese smells a fart in the air...will Johnny and Daniel Pay?)
1. (Tie) The Squid Game - Season 1 - (The Ultimate Shing Game!)
1. (Tie) Midnight Mass - (Can you survive the night in Hessiantown?)
2. Bo Burnham: Inside - (Living through COVID Lockdown)
2. (Tie) 1883 - (Sam Elliot doesn't take shit from anybody as he hauls a bunch of hessians along the trail out west. Luckily he has Hot Elsie to look at)
2. (Tie) Maid - (Andie McDowell's daughter has to deal with stu people while being a hessian)
2. (Tie) Succession - Season 3 - (Brian Cox likes to say "Fuck Off" a lot. He is a dying corporate Beatforce in this series)
3. Yellowstone - Season 4 - (Still a good show but this season seams meandering. Rip always smells a fart, Beth is always pissed, Jamie always has a chiseled face, Kevin Costly always mumbles, Casey always needs a haircut, the Musical Cowboy always plays a song, Lloyd always gets tickled by his mustache... At least Jimmy gets a good woman..)
3. (Tie) The White Lotus - Season 1 - (What happens when a bunch of white uppity assholes descend on a Hawaiian Resort?)
4. Curb Your Enthusiasm - Season 11 - (Larry David can't get a break...what's new)
5. Your Honor - Season 1 - (Walter White actually survived Breaking Bad and became a judge in New Orleans)
5. (Tie) Rick and Morty - Season 5
6. Click Bait - (Don't put pictures of your ween online)
6. (Tie) Behind Her Eyes - (What Lurks in the Farts of Men?)
7. Drain the Oceans - Season 4
7. (Tie) Movies That Made Us - Season 2 & 3
7. (Tie) Family Guy - Season 20
8. The World According to Jeff Goldblum - Season 2 - (Life uuuuhhhhh found a way again)
8. (Tie) Made for Love - Season 1 - (Turns out a microchip in your wife's brain is a bad idea)
9. Breaking Bobby Bones -Season 1 - (Bobby Bones learns how to do the work real Mericans do)
10. The Lost Symbol - (How come every Dan Brown adaptation has to suck. Focus on the code solving, not the boring people. Only redeeming part is the hot redhead)
11. Love, Death and Robots - Season 2 - (Some segments were good but most were just not that good)
It's the girl who smells farts all the time vs the girl who also smells farts all the time. Oh and everyone else.
Now time for the worst of 2021 movies. There were some real stinkers this year and two were Oscar Contenders.
Worst of 2021:
1. Power of the Dog - (I know it was an Oscar darling and it started off promising but it quickly became one of the most boring movies I have seen in ages. So boring that by the end I just stopped caring)
2. Old - (Should have known this would suck given it's M. Night. Interesting premise ruined by bad acting, terrible script and stupid characters. I actually cheered when some of them died because they were so stupid)
3. Don't Look Up - (The ending isn't that bad but the movie is a mess for the most part. Annoying characters, some stuff is funny, most is just stu)