The Best (and Worst) Movies and TV of 2018

[Kaing of Kaings]

And we're back...That's right. One of my favorite things to do this time of year is to look back at last year's year in film and television and all that was great and sucked about it. Granted I usually not comfortable making the list until now when I see every single movie and television show that came out. So here it is. 2018. It was a decent year in film and Television. Some good shit went on. There was also more than usual of shit that came out. Maybe Trump's sewer of a mouth and presidency has something to do with it. People's standards are so lowered these days. But fuck that. We are here to talk movies and television. Some good kids movies need to be shouted out at like Paddington 2, Spiderman - Into the Spiderverse, Ralph Breaks the Internet and The Incredibles 2. Spielberg is back with a nostalgia trip from the 80's and Tom Cruise is still alive somehow. There was some decent docs too like the fascinating Wild Wild Country and Robin Williams Cum into my Mind...ok it's not spelled like that but you get the picture. I digress. Here you go. Here is some good shit that came out last year followed by the best Docs, TV shows and then the Worst turds Hollywood shipped out last year. Hea.

* means 5 stars baby!

The Best of 2018

2018 Movies
1. Paddington 2 - Paddington Farts in Jail while Making Marmalade
2. Ready Player One - Ready Player Own
2. (Tie) Mission Impossible: Fallout - Rouge Ghost Fallout
3. A Quiet Place - I would die in this world. No farting allowed or scary monsters will get you.
3. (Tie) Spider-Man - Into the Spiderverse
3.(Tie) Incredibles 2
4. A Star is Born - A Flatch Is Born. Maybe it's time to let the old farts die.
4 (Tie) Vice - Dick Cheney bares his dick and heart (well his original one)
5. Green Book - Vigo learns how to be less racists and Ali learns to eat fried chicken and fart while being driven across the racist south.
5. (Tie) Kodachrome - Jason Sudeikis drives his racist dad played by Ed Harris to some shitty town to take pictures of racists.
6. American Animals - Damn I enjoyed this movie about a heist gone wrong.
7. Black Panther - Creed fights the Black Panther guy and ultimate ballwars breaks out.
7. (Tie) Avengers, Infinite Ballwars
8. Game Night - Jesse Plemons plays an evil game before getting hit by a car and then his heart...opps wrong movie.
8. Ralph Breaks the Internet - Ralph Drops a Deuce on the web
9. Bohemian Rhapsody - He will Rock Your Sack!
10. Sicario: Dia Del Soldado - Day of the Soledad O'brien
10. (Tie) Solo: A Ballwars Story
11. BlackkKlansman - Fuck Racists
11. (Tie) Creed II - Creed will Crush You...Then Drago will Crush Creed...then Drago's son will crush Drago...Then Rocky will just sit by and say Hey Yo.
12. Adrift - Shailene Woodley's butt out in a boat.
13. Hereditary - Don't drink, drive, then shing. Bad things will happen!
14. Upgrade - Plug a computer into your wiener and you can fight like a champ!
14. (Tie) Revenge - The movie with the most blood and wiener I have ever seen!
14. (Tie) Dragged Across Concrete - Mel GIbson plays a racist cop who has to become less racist with Vince Vaughn
15. Dr. Seuss' The Grinch - Actually not a bad movie.


Wouldn't you like to know what I rubbed this orange on?

More movies that may be considered: The Ritual, 22 July, The Apostle, Chappaquiddick, Antman and the Anus, The Meg, Bad Times at the Ellll Royale, Green Book, A Stupid Futile Gesture, Overlord, Alpha, The Mule (Clint Eastwood likes Boobs!), The Commuter (Liam Neeson has a particular set of farting skills on a train), Deadpool 2, Bumble Butt, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs (The first couple of vignettes), Boy Erased, On the Basis of Sex, Bandersnatch (Black Mirror Choose Your Own Adventure Movie), Jurassic World: Fallen Kaingdumb (Ok, the more I think of this one, it is completely dumb but Dinosaurs give it an extra star), He’s Out There

Docs.
1. Wild Wild Country*
2. Won’t You Be My Neighbor
3. Free Solo
4. Robin Williams: Come Inside My Mind
4. (tie) They Shall Not Grow Old
5. The Bleeding Edge
6. RBG
6. (Tie) John McCain: For Whom the Bell Tolls my Friends
7. Fahrenheit 11/9
7. Evil Genius: The True Story of America's Most Diabolical Bank Heist

TV (I have been catching up on 2017 recently so haven't watched many of the 2018 episodes. No Game of Thrones in 2018 so other shows will get a chance at the top. Also, the last season of House of Cards without Kevin Spacey just came out so got to finish that).

1. Better Call Saul - Season 4
2. Shameless - Season 9 (The show is still going but ends on a strong note)
2. (Tie) Yellowstone - Season 1
2. (Tie) Cobra Kai - Season 1
2. (Tie) Get Shorty - Season 2
2. (Tie) Succession - Season 1
3. Ozark - Season 2
3. (Tie) Sneaky Pete - Season 2
3. (Tie) Maniac
3. (Tie) The Looming Tower
3. (Tie) The Affair - Season 4
4. Making a Murderer - Season 2
4. (Tie) The 2000s
5. Death by Magic - Season 1
5. (Tie) Drain the Oceans- Season 1
6. South Park - Season 22
7. Family Guy - Season 17
7. The Kominski Method - Season 1
8. The Terror - Season 1
9. Westworld - Season 2

BTW, I tried watching the last season of House of Cards and couldn't get into it. I watched the first episode and said, ok I don't need to watch this show anymore.

Worst;

1. The Cloverfield Paradox - Astronauts of the future are incredibly dumb and jeopardize the entire planet after watching Fox News for 24 hour straight on the ISS.
2. Blockers - John Cena's meat head tries to prevent his daughter from losing her virginity but he gets side tracked and decides to beat a Mantha by the side of the road.
3. The Predator - Olivia Munn shows her boobs to a predator and the movie still is stupid.
4. Mandy - Nicholas Cage takes psychedelic drugs and goes on a revenge fantasy killing Hessian's in the countryside.
5. First Reformed - Ethan Hawke uses Fart Power to Hover above Amanda Seyfried after lighting his farts on fire in church.
6. Welcome to Marwen - Robert Zemekis is sent to director's jail for this. Steve Carrel plays with dolls and Leslie Mann thinks he is cool. I don't buy it.
7. Terrifier - (Fart the Clown kills stupid people in gross ways)