The Best (and Worst) Movies of 1996

[Kaing of Kaings]

1996 was an average year in the line of movies. I was in High School and times were fun for the most part, making new friends and the UBSTU gang was in their full swing. Bill Clinton was elected president again after Bob Dole fell off the stage and we got some comedy gems with Kingpin and Fargo (dark comedy) in the theaters. We also got the best alien invasion movie to date in my mind. That movie is Independence Day. I still maintain that the first act of the movie where the coming alien invasion is a great setup. Things kind of fall off the rails when the dog jumps to safety in a side tunnel barely missing a flying motorcycle on fire. But it comes back with Bill Pullman's speech about "not going quietly into the night" or as we at UBSTUdios would present it, not flatching quietly in the night. Anyways, lets count em down.

Best Movies of 1996

1. Independence Day - (Welcome to Earf)
2. Fargo
2. (Tie) Kingpin - (There's a big cloud of shit heading this way)
3. The People Vs Larry Flynt - (Milos Forman exemplifies free speech in the form of Larry Flynt and the porn industry)
4. Happy Gilmore - (One of Adam Sandlers best)
5. Scream - (Hello Sydney)
6. The Nutty Professor - (Don't nobody wanna hear your flatuance, Cletus Klump!)
7. The Frighteners - (Michael J. Fox fights some farty ghosts)
8. Sling Blade - (Think I'll need an ambulance, Maybe a hearse)
9. The Ghost and the Darkness - (Spoiler Alert**-Michael Douglas gets shinged by a Lion after he wonders into a Roller Coaster Tycoon game)
10. Ghosts of Mississippi - (The Ghosts of Racists Past)
11. D3: The Mighty Ducks - (Quack…Fart)


"Welcome to Donald Trump's America"

Best TV
1. Ken Burns: The West - (Ken Burns can do no wrong)
1. (Tie) ET - Season 3
2. The Mr. Show - Season 2
3. Micocosmos - (Find out what is living in your dingle berries)

Now for the Worst of 1996
1. Phenomenon - (John Travolta touches your balls to see if you are real)
2. Eraser - (Arnold Schwarzenegger's career starts to get erased)
3. Bio-Dome - (Pauly Shore just plays dumb and kills everybody in the Bio-Dome with this farts)
4. Night of the Twisters - (Night of the Buttsters or night of the bad CGI twisters killing the stupid old grandpa on the construction site or the bad CGI twisters sucking the kid out of the car and stripping him naked so you can see his butt flying up into the horribly CGI'ed twister)
5. The Island of Dr. Mearu - (WTF was that)
6. Exotic House of Wax - Legacy of Lust - (Exotic house of I don't remember, probably watched it for Oates and was disappointed)
7. The Phantom - (Billy Zane's skidmarks in his spandex barely save the movie)
8. Escape from L.A. - (Snake cuts the power so you don't have to watch most of the movie)
9. The Cable Guy - (Jim Carrey's first disappointment)
10. Beavis and Butthead Do America - (Jimmy and I took Ashley to see this. Wasn't that funny)