Clash of the Titans - (Unleash the Butt Kraken)

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Clash of the Titans - (Unleash the Butt Kraken)

Postby Kaing of Kaings » April 30th, 2010, 7:26 pm

Yesterday at the Grangeville movie theater, where they can't seem to run a projector or stop the metal scraping sounds it makes, I saw Clash of the Titans before it left town and disappeared from my mind forever.

When I first saw the previews, I thought this was going to be a fun filled action movie with giant monsters (especially the Butt Kraken) attacking and killing stupid extras and characters left and right. Over time, my excitement dimmed as mixed reviews started coming in, and I heard that the studio changed the film during editing. Not to mention, I read that the 3D sucked and there were certain parts where Liam Neeson's slobber flew out of the screen and covered the audience. This is what I would expect from Danny Glover Sings the Classics in 3D but not Clash which was shittly converted to 3D after the success of Avatard. I decided to see it anyway since it was a cheap and a rainy cold mist was in the air last night.

I kind of feel like I was just shown a sequence of events that amounted to nothing. I really didn't care for the characters or anything that happened to them. I will admit that things got a little better when Perseus (Sam Worthington) and his cannon fodder entered Medusa's layer and started getting shinged. The Karken was cool too but underused. It would of been better if the Kraken had taken a massive CGI shit on the Jesus Freak guy. And why do ancient Greek men all look like Cro-Magnon with bad make-up.

(Major Spoilers)
The story is basically one where people (substitute cats) betray the gods Zeus, played by a super dorky Liam Neeson (God of Passgassgus) and Hades, Ralph Fiennes (God of Beat). The gods get pissed off because they aren't being worshiped by the cats like they should so they initiate a beating to commence during an eclipse. Mantha and Poo must escape before the Butt Kraken farts on them and destroys their city with flaming flatulence. Enter Perseus (Sam Worthington from Avatard) and his merry men who must go on a quest to train the fisherman, Perseus, how to fight with a sword and hold his shlong properly. It's amazing how fast he picks up things. Then a flying horse comes in and farts on a Liv Tyler look alike. But first he must survive a gauntlet which the gods have laid out for him. Many manthas were beaten in this picture. It even says it in the end.

Basically, this movie is like a fart in the wind to me. While entertaining in some aspects and if you enjoy the smell, better in parts, it will vanish from my cerebrum in not to long. I really didn't care what happened and was not invested in the characters. And for that, 3.25 stars out of 5. See it at the cheap seats or on DVD.

Image

Due to the GWB recession, the budget on the 2010 Clash was cut so bad that they had to use shots of the old claymation Kraken in some places.

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The new Kraken is about to flatch on poor Perseus.
Harry: " Whoa, Jesus, Check out the butt on that one."

Lloyd: "He must work out."

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