The Best (and Worst) Movies of 2016

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The Best (and Worst) Movies of 2016

Postby Kaing of Kaings » October 12th, 2017, 3:35 pm

Well, it's that time of year again. I think I have seen almost every movie that came out in 2016 including all those terrible Trent and Mitch movies that come out every year. Let's just say this, 2016 was a strong year. Many 4 star movies this year and some bumping up into the five star category. Very strong year for kids movies and some two tense thrillers from the director Peter Berg (Deepwater Horizon and Patriot's Day). Some great fricken documentaries came out in 2016 including a great 8 hour OJ Simpson Documentary and on TV, the American Crime OJ story staring our friend Cuba Gooding Jr. in his first hit since Chill Factor ;). Speaking of TV, Game of Wieners was epic with the ultimate showdown of the Battle of the Bastard Wiener episode coming out in Season 6. And it was a good year to hide in the cinema while western democracy crumbles around us. So let's get on with the list shall we. What a great year.

*=Five Star Movies

1. Deepwater Horizon - (Deepwater Corporate Greed Destroys the Gulf)
1. (Tie) Zootopia - (A Little Bunny teaches us about racial injustice in our Country. Bunny Lives Matter)
1. (Tie) Kubo and the Two Strings - (Kubo and the Two Shings)
2. La La Land - (Should of won the Best Picture...oh wait it did...then it didn't)
3. Moana - (I'm Shiny)
3. (Tie) Patriot's Day - (Part 3 of Peter Berg's Mark Wahlberg's disaster series)
3. (Tie) Hidden Figures - (Smart African American Women stick it to the man in the 1960s)
4. Finding Dory - (Finding Doofey)
4. (Tie) Captain Fantastic - (Vigo's wiener shows you the true meaning of Noam Chomsky)
5. Pete's Dragon - (Karl Urban wants to use Pete's Dragon fur to tickle himself)
5. (Tie) The Jungle Book - (Mogley Mogley Mogley...John Mogley Mogley Mogley FFFFff)
6. Captain America: Civil Ballwars
6. (Tie) Manchester by the Sea - (Casey Affleck buys Aflac insurance after his brother dies)
7. Hell of High Water - (Ben Foster goes Crazy the Dude gets pissed)
8. The Shallows - (Blake Lively's butt barely misses getting eaten by a hungry shark)
9. Eddie the Eagle - (Mutton Chops teaches the Kaingsman, Eggsy how to ski dorkily)
9. (Tie) Green Room - (The Battle against Neo-Nazi's begins)
10. Don't Breath - (If you rob a blind guys house, expect to be shinged)
10. (Tie) Edge of Seventeen - (Woody Harrelson teaches a teenager the meaning of flatch)
11. Arrival - (Aliens come to earth. A shootout happens. Nobody cares or notices)
12. 10 Cloverfield Lane - (Mary Elizabeth Winstead and John Gallagher Jr. must escape John Goodman's bunker before Goodman's farts will suffocate them)
12. (Tie) Hacksaw Ridge - (Mel Gibson tricks you into a sappy love story then unleashes his load in one big explosive war scene where many people die trying to save a dropped bible)
13. Loving - (America learns to love again...hea)
14. Why Him! - (Surprisingly funny comedy with Walter White and some guy that looks like James Franco)
15. Rogue One - A Star Wars Story - (Good and some good action sequences but overall, why do we need these when we have the main trilogy? Could this be the beginning of burnout?)

And runner ups since it was such a good year.
Deadpool, Desierto, Finest Hours, The Founder, Hunt for the Wilderpeople, Imperium, Kung Fu Panda 3, Lion, Midnight Special, The Nice Guys, Race, The Secret Life of Pets, Snowden, A Street Cat named Bob and War Dogs

Image

The Real Cause of the Deepwater Horizon disaster was a giant floating Mark Wahlberg head collided with the rig.

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Bunny Lives Matter

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Kubo vs the Dunkleosteus

Ok now onto Documentaries and there were some winners. The OJ one, even though a days long, is well worth it.

1. *OJ Made in America - (If the Glove Don't fit, the Jury must Shit!)
2. Weiner - (The wiener that destroyed Western Democracy)
3. The Beatles - Eight Days a Week
4. Raiders - (A group of Stuboy kids re-make Raiders of the Lost Ark shot for shot and it's fascinating)
5. 13th - (Why are we like this?)
6. Life Animated - (Life through Disney)
7. Rats - (Morgan Spurlock exposes the disgustingness of Rats)
8. Into the Inferno - (Werner Herzog jumps into an active volcano and lights his farts on fire)
9. Lo and Behold - (Werner Herzog wonders if porn sites on the internet dream)
10. Can We Take a Joke? - (Wambulences show up at college campuses where students get offended by everything they don't like)

And TV. Wow what a great Audience

1. Game of Thrones - Season 6
1. (Tie) American Crime Story (OJ Simpson Story)
2. Shameless - Season 6
3. Stranger Things Season 1
4. Better Call Saul - Season 2
5. Westworld - Season 1
6. House of Cards - Season 4
7. The 80s
8. All The Way (HBO TV Movie about LBJ)
9. The White Rabbit Project - (Ex Mythbusters, Tory, Kari and Grant get their own show question unsolved mysteries)

And now for the Shit that came out last year. There were some stinkers. Here they are in the flatulent glory.

1. Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising - (Terrible acting and story. God this is a turd)
2. Inferno - (Tom Hanks and Felicity Jones discover a terrible virus that makes everybody stupid and vote against their interests. Can they solve Dan Brown's Brown Code before it's too late?)
3. Star Trek Beyond - (Didn't even get to the end. Just couldn't get into it which is rare)
4. The Fundamentals of Caring - (Stupid acting in this makes me want to beat a Buk or Mantha, or Mica or Puss)
5. Swiss Army Man - (Even a movie full of farts can be ungood. Who knew?)
6. Batman vs Superman - Dawn of Justice (Buttman vs Pooperman: Dawn of Bad CGI and Flatulent Plots)
7. Zoolander 2 - (Yep it's bad)
8. Hardcore Henry - (Shootem up shoots itself in the foot.)
9. Fences - (Denzen's movie is well acted but boring as fuck, and I couldn't wait to get out of the theater. Should of been a play..oh wait it was)
10. Moonlight - (It won best picture and sure it was revolutionary in what it was portraying but I just don't get the hype)
11. Office Christmas Party - (Not that funny and trying too hard to be)
Harry: " Whoa, Jesus, Check out the butt on that one."

Lloyd: "He must work out."

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