Cellular - (Zangular)

[Kaing of Kaings]

Imagine that your standing on the Santa Monica pier. You look like me and your girl friend is Jessica Biel (which is actually true in real life). Your name is Chris and in the back ground of the shot, you can see Gomps and Leeroy Turtlehead fishing of the pier in the back ground. Then, suddenly you get a call on your shitty cell phone from the Assholes at Verizon from a Wa Lady, Kim Basinger, who's been kidnapped by the scary guy, Jason Statham.

You think it's a joke and play it off like its the lady from the last 1-900 number you called while spanking it to Behind the Green Door, but suddenly, you realize its for real. You try to talk to the Cops (played by the underated William H. Macy), but he's too busy getting his face shit on and getting his shlong massaged by an Asian woman. Now, it's up to you to save this Wa Lady, her very stu Stuboy, and her Dorky Dad husband from the Madman Statham who is bent on acting with a scary british accent. Oh yea, in the process you have to destroy half of LA and Culver City and almost kill a million people.

This is the delema faced by me, I mean Chris Evans, who is the receiver of the distress phone call from Kim Basinger. She happens to know how to wire a broken telephone and put it together. With William H. Musty on the case and a climactic battle on the Santa Monica Pier infront of the restaurant where Gomps, Leeroy Turtlehead, and I ate, this movie is guaranteed to rip your sac off.

Cellular makes Paparazi look like Gayarachi. This movie is better than that movie and falls along the line of Breakdown and Out of Time. While Breakdown is still the Kaing of kidnapping movies, and Out of Time staring Denzen is good, this one is right below on the list, unless I forgot some other kidnapping movie that's better. Definately not perfect and I noticed some movie mistakes in it, like a random Mantha beating scene that was spliced in from Beating Mantha, this movie is definately entertaining if you like pointless explosions and a "You Dont have to Think Much Plot." Kind of like the movie Speed (Splooge) only without the shiity extra acters. Overall, I give this movie a 2(1/2) stars out of 4, cause i'm in it, and I get to score with Jessica Biel. OOOHHHHH yea.

[leeroy_t]

Is zang anything like kang. This movie sounds cool since I might recognize all these places it was filmed. If you really want to piss of Gomps in Vegas, say Kang over and over. He doesnt mind hea, ell, or lee, but kang or gay whatever it is, he doesnt like it one bit.