Butt Pirates stars Johnny Depp as the most famous butt pirate of them all...Jack Sparrow. Oh, the movie also stars Orlando Bloom as the hea fighter William Turner and the KO Keira Knightley as the bride to be turned obvious female pirate Elizabeth Swann. Oh, and a guy who has an octopus for a head played by Bill Nighy the non science guy. Anyway, as you can tell from the previews, the story revolves around Davy Jones and his quest for something that will cure his never-ending crotch rot. It may also cure his octopus head too. So Davy summons Jack to do his bidding. The only thing is, Jack sells Orlando into slavery where he learns to fight like a true butt pirate and take on the mythological beast called the Kraken.
The movie goes through a series of sword fights, some cool Kraken scenes, and some pirates fighting a group of native butts who eat their captives after listening to Bad Gass. It's pretty funny when Justin Timberlake shows up at the native island and starts singing...."Don't be so quick to....walk away....I just shit my pants baby...but that's ok.." and then the butts gang up on him and sacrifice him. Then John Lithgow shows up and says to Keira Knightley..."Do you know what real love is Christal?....Sacrifice...PHHFFEAAFFF." At the end of the 2.5 hour movie you realize that someone in the theater has bad gas and that this movie has no ending.
So what did I think about the movie...If you liked the first butt pirates movie then you will probably like this. I will give this movie credit for a cook Karken monster that consumes ships and has a big spiny butthole for a mouth. Some of the sword fighting scenes are pretty cool too. However, I didn't think the first Pirates was up to all the hype it got and I feel more so about this one. It suffers from "The Da Vinci Code" syndrome where the movie gets hyped up so much and then you feel a little let down. I wasn't to hyped to see this one anyway. So after all that bs, I give the movie 2.95 stars out of 4. It would of probably been better had I been in a better mood. My woman didn't like it but my wa who saw it in Wheaton Illinois thought it was entertaining...you be the judge or Captain Jack Sparrow will have your shlong...I mean soul for dinner. Hea.
After serious budget cuts, Disney's refusal to show a wet Keira Knighley nipple shot in the final film, and Jerry Bruckheimer's insistence on a song and dance number in the film, director Gore Verbinski was forced to film Pirates of the Caribbean part 3 - Live Man's Oates with legos. The final film is to be shown on Ifilm.com.
In one of the coolest scenes in the movie, the multi personality's of Jack Sparrow is chased by a giant version of himself after stealing the black turtle from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
To find Jack's heading, he didn't need to stare at the compass, he only needed to stare down Elizabeth's water soaked dress.
