Surrogates - (Suckogates)

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Surrogates - (Suckogates)

Postby Kaing of Kaings » September 26th, 2009, 9:59 pm

Yes. John McClain...I mean Bruce Willis is back in an all new Jonathan Mostow action movie, Surrogates. You may remember Jonathan Mostow from the great movies, Breakdown and U571. He also directed T3. You may also remember the actor he has in every movie Jack Noseworthy who played Billy in Breakdown...I seen your wife...

Anyway, Surrogates take place in a Utopian future where everybody is plugged into their own robot who looks like them only sexier and younger. Bruce Willis plugs his shlong into the machine and gets to do any woman he wants. The problem is, Lewis' father from Revenge of the Nerds' (James Cromwell) is constipated and can't go to the bathroom because he is plugged into a little boy robot who looks like Halley Joel Osmet. Now its up to Bruce Willis and Radha Mitchell to solve the case. One I still haven't figured out.

Anyway, In the future, there is no need to do anything. You just use your surrogate to do it for you while you sit in a pile of your own pee and poo somewhere on a chair. The problem is, there are hessians (real people not plugged in) in reservations and they don't take kindly to bots. Dey took our JOBS! The hessians like to beat up robots because they think they are stu. Now someone gets killed and no one knows what the fuck is going on. If this isn't making sense, it is because I haven't figured out the story. The end is anticlimactic too.

Jonathan Mostow usually directs tight action flicks with good stories and you can tell he tries here too. The problem is the story is stu. The special effects are spot on even though the surrogates look like they have bad makeup on (intentionally). The action sequences are borderline shakycam but you can still make out what is going on. The problems is STORY STORY STORY. No one knows who is what or what is going on. I give this movie 3.5 stars out of 5 for Rosamund Pike's hotness. If I was a surrogate, I would do her surrogate in gigasecond.


You can interchange this scene with Die Hard 4.

Willis...Damn, this looks familiar. I'm getting too old for this shit.
Harry: " Whoa, Jesus, Check out the butt on that one."

Lloyd: "He must work out."

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