Beowulf (Milowulf)

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Beowulf (Milowulf)

Postby TheStuboy » November 15th, 2007, 5:33 pm

Beowulf is a computer animated film created using motion capture, which involves actually filming the entire movie with special cameras and sensors placed on actors bodies. This technique was also used in director Robert Zemeckis' previous venture "The Polar Express."

The film stars Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, Robin Wright Penn, John Malcovich, Crispin Glover and Angelina Jolie's floating boobs.

I saw this the day before it opens nationwide at my favorite theater at a special very late night screening.

Right off the bat I noticed that the animation quality has significantly improved over The Polar Express, and the actors no longer look scary, and have sunk in faces, they look remarkably close to the real deal. I have a feeling one of these days, computer cgi and the real thing may be indistinguishable.


If you haven't read the poem of Beowulf, then where have you been. It's been in existance since the 700 AD time period and is considered England's national epic (wikipedia).

The story of a kaingdom under attack by a number of monsters, in dire need of a hero. Along comes Baybonwulf, I mean Beowulf, to save the day. He battles monsters, dragons, and Angelina Jolie's fake floating boobies to save the day and become Kaing himself.


The film is actually pretty entertaining. There is hardly a slow moment to be found, however, the story is a tad bit confusing at times. I suppose if I had remembered the poem from High School ages ago, I would have followed better, but I still liked the story, and how it played out.

The characters are all likeable, especially Anthony Hopkins as the original Kaing of Scotland. Angelina, though her boobs are fake, is nice to look at naked, and yes, she does get naked. So does Beowulf, so women will like this film too, and something tells me there are some homo problems with it as well, too much male nudity for me.

The acting and stuff looks good, I wish I could have seen the original film rather than the CG version, that way I could really tell if Angelina's boobs are real or not, I'm guessing they are fake. I can't point out Crispin Glover's character, though I believe I might know who he plays.

The film was enjoyable, and entertaining. I felt the two hours fly by pretty fast, but still retain (and will probably have bad dreams) the film in its entirety.

As if we needed more shouting of lines like "THIS IS SPARTA", this film adds one more to the list... "I AM BEOWULF." TONIGHT, WE DINE IN DENMARK!

3.7 stars out of 4, one of the best films I have seen this year, and thats saying a lot, as most of them have been crap.

Word of warning, this film may be rated PG-13, but its a pretty darn strong PG-13. There is loads of nudity, blood, violence, but unfortunately, no oates.


Why would you want to kill me, I mean, look at me, I'm butt naked, and I have huge fake boobies, I mean come on. No oates though, sorry.

EDIT - FIXED IMAGE. By the way, this is getting ripped to shreds on Yahoo movies, by people who haven't seen it yet. I hate people who prejudge movies before they've seen them. STUPID, THEY'RE SOO STUPID.
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Postby Kaing of Kaings » November 16th, 2007, 8:53 am


I just got back from Manuwulf and I have to agree with Stuboy. I think this is one of the better movies of the year. Almost right from the beginning, I felt I was watching something special. Robert Zemeckis has definitely improved his technique of Motion Capture and there were times when I couldn't tell if Ray Winstone's character, Beowulf, was real or not.

And I have to say, I think Angelina Jolie's boobs are real. Even if they are not, they are still oates worthy.

I never read the old English novel of Beowulf but I liked this story. It has a message behind it and if you don't see it, you probably have a mind of a UR MY Child or a neocon. The acting was excellent too, especially by Beowulf and Anthony Hopkins.

Like Stu said, there is a lot of nudity in this film, especially male nudity. For some reason, Beowulf likes to fight in the buff. Especially when he fights Grendel (Chrispin Glover), you can see his CGI nut sack flopping around. For the guys, Angelina Jolie gets in the buff too with some liquid golden covering.

The action sequences are too and Alison Lohman, Beowulf's mistress, (who is always hot) is even hotter in CGI.

Anyway, I felt this film was well done and i'm glad Zemeckis is back on his game. I hope he continues to make good movies. You can always tell when there is intelligence behind the camera and you can see that in this film. Another thing I must mention about this film is that you definitely should see it in the theater. Even thought some asshole parent brought there child to this movie (this is not a children's movie), you should see it in the theater. Just don't bring your whiny kid. They won't get anything out of the story except for scary monsters and naked Jolie.

I give this film 3.7 stars out of 4 too. This film will probably make my top 10 for the year. Hea.


Beowulf decided to put his clothes on to fight Grendel the second time. Especially after he almost lost his shlong in the first battle with Grendel when Beowulf decided to fight in the nude.


Hopkins: "In this blow horn, I have sealed my flatch for future use against the dragon. Beware, the power of oates is strong with Grendel's mother. I know."

Beowulf: "Then I will flatch in the shade and say, THIS IS SPATA...I mean I AM BEOWULF."
Harry: " Whoa, Jesus, Check out the butt on that one."

Lloyd: "He must work out."

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