Music and Lyrics - (Music and Flatulence)

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Music and Lyrics - (Music and Flatulence)

Postby Kaing of Kaings » March 12th, 2007, 11:58 pm

You think you saw a bad movie Stu. Listen up Hupum.

Over the weekend, my woman and I were down in sweaty nut sac hot Phoenix to see an Eric Clapton concert (see music section for review). The day before the concert, we decided to see a Coyotes hockey game which is always a treat, even when they loose and especially when tons of "Come On" fights happen. Anyway, there is a large AMC Theater (Much better than Harkins Theaters) right next to the hockey ring so we decided to go and watch a movie while we were waiting for the game.

There isn't much out now that is good or looks interesting (I do want to see 300 but that isn't a movie to bring chicks to) so my woman chose to see Music and Lyrics.

I thought, well, this looks kind of stupid but "Love Actually" with Hugh Grant wasn't a bad movie even though it is a chick flick. So I thought what the hell, this beats standing outside in the Phoenix heat and getting sweaty nut sac or angry asshole. So we saw the movie.

Spoilers

The movie starts out with Hugh Grant's character in some 80's music video singing a song called "Pop Goes My Fart". He is singing with a Wham like band and the music is totally 80s. Next we find out that Hugh is an 80s has been and his music career sucks after he did a Coleflatch album which is still on sale for too much at your local Hastings. He is forced to sing at Wa Lady reunions and gay amusement parks until a Shakira/Britney Spears character comes up to him and asks if he can write a song for her to sing on her next album.

Since he sucks and has no talent, he hires his plant girl (Seriously, the guy is too lazy to water his own plants so he has to hire Drew Barrymore to come over and water them) to write lyrics for him. They start witting "Mother Nature's Illegitimate Child" from Coleflatch when Hugh farts and realizes that this won't work for the Britney girl who also has no talent. Is the story confusing, It shouldn't be, the movie actually has a retarded plot.

Major Spoilers,

And so, as you can clearly see coming, Hugh and Drew's lyrics are so shitty, they get the job from Britney and now Hugh has to sing a duet at her first concert of the tour. What comes next....Hugh Losses Girl, Girl Losses Bowel Control....Hugh Starts a Circle Jerk Club....Girl doesn't Want Hugh back...Hugh puts a magical potion up his anus and farts on Girl...Girl and Hugh get back together and shitty Britney concert....Britney shaves her head and drives around with her babies on her lap.......wait a minute, that last part is true!

End of Spoilers

Ok so what did I think. Parts of this movie were so slow, uninteresting, and un-realistic, that I was wondering when the stupid thing would ever end. Even the acting was kind of dry. I didn't feel any chemistry between Drew and Hugh and when they tried to be it looked all phoney. Some of the songs, like the "Pop goes my Fart" song were actually kind of funny but the rest was gggggggay. The movie is so formulaic that it is really predictable and not even interesting.

The saddest part of all, my woman came out and said this was the stupidest movie she had ever seen....And she wasn't joking. She wanted to get out of there as much as I did. It didn't help when you have stupid teeny bopper girls sitting in front of you giggling, talking and laughing at every stupid thing. It also doesn't help when your movie sucks balls.

I give this movie 1.75 stars out of 4. Easily the worst movie of the year so far.

Image

"The band should be called "Poop". If Coleflatch ever gets to this point, we will know we are the Kangest band Ever.

Image

Drew: "Alright, this song is too shitty and needs to be changed. How can you write such crap."

Hugh: "But I didn't write this. I plagiarized it from that Nickleback song, Photograph."

Drew: "Oh, that explains a lot."
Harry: " Whoa, Jesus, Check out the butt on that one."

Lloyd: "He must work out."

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