Apocalypto - (Apocapoopoo)

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Apocalypto - (Apocapoopoo)

Postby Kaing of Kaings » December 9th, 2006, 11:36 pm

Just got back from Mel Gibson's latest fore into the violent pack world of cinema. This time around its Mel's Apocalypto which tells the story of the down fall of the Mayan Empire with it's focus on one Mayan (Jaguar Paw) who must run from his life from the ultimate sacrifice.

(Spoilers) Toward the end of the Mayan Civilization, human sacrifices became rampant. To please the gods, many Mayans were sacrificed. Jaguar Paw has a different fate. He must escape captivity and rescue his wife and child in a hole. Thus begins the dramatic chase from his captors. And it is a pretty intense one as well. Look for the scene when the Kaing asks Jaguar Paw..”Do you know what real love is, Jaguar....Sacrifice...shing...shing.”(End of Spoilers)

Mel Gibson is no stranger to violence and gore. It started out in Braveheart 12 years ago and continues today. Some of you may remember The Passion of The Christ. The movie had a lot of violence but for some reason Christians came in droves to see Jesus get tortured and nailed to a cross. The most effective part of that movie was the non-torture sequence which took place during the last supper. The rest of the movie contained scenes of Jesus carrying the cross and dropping it in slow-motion. Thankfully Apocalypto has few slow-mo scenes and no scenes of Mayans dropping crosses in slow-mo. That doesn't mean there isn't violence. There is plenty of that to go around.

There are Giant Mantha's that torture humans and get tortured themselves. There are plenty of shing moments as well. Basically what this movie comes down to is a survival/run for your life pick. People expecting a love story or something with a little more sentiment should stay away. It is definitely the balls to the wall picture of the year.

So what did I think of it? Well first of all, the theater was jammed full with a large Native American crowd and and many people brought kids and babies to this movie. If the Mayans had movie theaters in the 1500s, they would of killed anyone who talked or had a cell phone. Unfortunately for our society, stupid people insist on bringing kids to graphic R-Rated movies and talking during the picture. There was a guy two seats from me who kept on talking to his girl friend and was like, "Oh, I bet he is going to run into that shing thing or Oh, I bet he is going to get his head shinged off." Can't people watch a movie with their fucking mouth shut? It shouldn't be that hard. I know I saw R movies when I was young but that was at home and under the watchful eyes of my parents. At home, it's ok to talk as well because you aren't fucking up other peoples movie experience. I didn't pay $8 to hear some guy tell his girl friend the movie play by play....Schweew.

Well glad I got off that tangent. Anyway, the movie was pure entertainment and extremely watchable. The action is top notch and Mel sure knows how to direct a historical epic piece. I would like to see Mel make a movie about any ancient subject out there. He is good at it. The detail in the movie is good too and the subtitles didn't bother me at all. I would recommend this movie to anyone who is interested in history and balls to the wall action. I didn't think once of Mel's drunken rant and I forgive him for that. People do screw up and say things they regret sometimes, it doesn't take away their tallent. At the end of the movie, most of the crowd applauded. I don't think it will get an Oscar but it should for Cinematography. Anyway, 3.5 stars out of 4. One of the years better flicks.


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Minutes before a Giant Black Mantha jumps out and eats this dude. It shows proof that Mantha's can only take so much before dishing it out themselves.

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The Kaing: "I am the god of Passgassgus and I demand a tribute from each of you. You shall each flatch in my face before I flatch myself and dwell in it. Bow my followers, and let thy bowels rejoice."
Harry: " Whoa, Jesus, Check out the butt on that one."

Lloyd: "He must work out."

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Postby leeroy_t » December 10th, 2006, 10:39 pm

Fuck Mel Gibson, hope that movie flops.
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Postby TheStuboy » December 11th, 2006, 12:28 am

God ur stu. Anyway, I just got back from seeing Apocolypto and let me tell you, heaaaah, it was one entertaining film that is rare in Hollywood these days.

I don't know about you but I am tired of seeing the same fabricated crap come out only to immediately be forgotten about. This late year rush to get movies out has proved otherwise. Apocolypto now sits as one of the best movies I've seen this year.

I have to agree with Stu on this one, wtf is up with people bringing children to a rated R film, and babies of all things. All throughout the first half and then some, a stupid baby was crying every time something loud would happen. Not to mention, the guy down from me was screaming every time someone got shinged, so basically, it happened a lot.

I have a question about this movie. Was some of it shot in Digital format and the rest on regular film. About half the movie's film type looks reminiscent of Coleflatcheral. This isn't a bad thing however, because unlike that film, these were filmed in the day, thus enhancing the picture. It makes it look less film like and more real.

I thought the story was very original, something I've certainly never seen before.

The music sounds familiar, think Braveheart?? Think, the puffer song?

I liked that touch, and plus (spoiler) the blue paint reminded me of Willaim Wallace.

I thought the eclipse scene, though far fetched, was awesome, they show everything. Wuss is right, this film certainly is bloody and gorey. But we already know to expect that from the Mayan civilization. How could it not exist without Mantha Torture? The gods would be very angry.

One of the most effective scenes was the "Run" for your life scene after the release. I didn't expect certain things to happen the way they did, but was pleased when the protagonist started fighting back.

Overall, I give this film 3.7 stars. Its like James Bond, the more I think about it, the better that movie was.

Mel Gibson, eh, I have no problem with him. He is only human, so what. A lot of people say things they don't mean. You shouldn't stop seeing his films simply because you hate him. You're kang if you do.




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Godema, GODEMA! Oh mum Sheba Oh mum Sheba. Nooo! SHING AHHHLEAH. A living mantha torture god witnesses a celestrial event that changes his beat ways.

Image The heart of the mantha, being explained to a Mayan on a wall.
"I won, you losht, get ushed to it shon"
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Postby Kaing of Kaings » December 11th, 2006, 10:56 pm

I agree Stuboy. I liked the scene after the eclipse where they had to run the gauntlet. It was cool when he faught back and pissed off the main bad guy. That would be scary having him chase after you.
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