Butt Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Crotch Rot

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Butt Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Crotch Rot

Postby Kaing of Kaings » July 14th, 2006, 3:24 pm

While in Illinois with my woman and Wa for KO's wedding, we decided to see a film while there. We went to the theater in DeKalb and saw Butt Pirates pillage the women and rape the horses. Actually this is a Disney movie so none of that happened. Anyway, heres what I thought.

Butt Pirates stars Johnny Depp as the most famous butt pirate of them all...Jack Sparrow. Oh, the movie also stars Orlando Bloom as the hea fighter William Turner and the KO Keira Knightley as the bride to be turned obvious female pirate Elizabeth Swann. Oh, and a guy who has an octopus for a head played by Bill Nighy the non science guy. Anyway, as you can tell from the previews, the story revolves around Davy Jones and his quest for something that will cure his never-ending crotch rot. It may also cure his octopus head too. So Davy summons Jack to do his bidding. The only thing is, Jack sells Orlando into slavery where he learns to fight like a true butt pirate and take on the mythological beast called the Kraken.

The movie goes through a series of sword fights, some cool Kraken scenes, and some pirates fighting a group of native butts who eat their captives after listening to Bad Gass. It's pretty funny when Justin Timberlake shows up at the native island and starts singing...."Don't be so quick to....walk away....I just shit my pants baby...but that's ok.." and then the butts gang up on him and sacrifice him. Then John Lithgow shows up and says to Keira Knightley..."Do you know what real love is Christal?....Sacrifice...PHHFFEAAFFF." At the end of the 2.5 hour movie you realize that someone in the theater has bad gas and that this movie has no ending.

So what did I think about the movie...If you liked the first butt pirates movie then you will probably like this. I will give this movie credit for a cook Karken monster that consumes ships and has a big spiny butthole for a mouth. Some of the sword fighting scenes are pretty cool too. However, I didn't think the first Pirates was up to all the hype it got and I feel more so about this one. It suffers from "The Da Vinci Code" syndrome where the movie gets hyped up so much and then you feel a little let down. I wasn't to hyped to see this one anyway. So after all that bs, I give the movie 2.95 stars out of 4. It would of probably been better had I been in a better mood. My woman didn't like it but my wa who saw it in Wheaton Illinois thought it was entertaining...you be the judge or Captain Jack Sparrow will have your shlong...I mean soul for dinner. Hea.


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After serious budget cuts, Disney's refusal to show a wet Keira Knighley nipple shot in the final film, and Jerry Bruckheimer's insistence on a song and dance number in the film, director Gore Verbinski was forced to film Pirates of the Caribbean part 3 - Live Man's Oates with legos. The final film is to be shown on Ifilm.com.

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In one of the coolest scenes in the movie, the multi personality's of Jack Sparrow is chased by a giant version of himself after stealing the black turtle from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

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To find Jack's heading, he didn't need to stare at the compass, he only needed to stare down Elizabeth's water soaked dress.
Harry: " Whoa, Jesus, Check out the butt on that one."

Lloyd: "He must work out."

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Postby TheStuboy » July 24th, 2006, 10:47 pm

After viewing the first film the night before, I decided that day was the day I was going to see this film, Butt Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Crotch Rot.

Hearing how good it was from everyone, I expected a fun time at the theaters, so did I get it, stay tuned, I'll get right back to that.

SPOILER ALERT

Orlando Bloom is destined to marry the knockout Keira Kaingly, but theres just one problem. A musty butt British fellow will have none of it, because he didn't have oates with his kang fellow Jack Sparrow, er, Captain Jack Sparrow that is.

So Orlando Bloom, or Will Turner, sets off on a flagical journey with his knockout to be to find Jack and return him to the port so he can oates the British guy and all will be set for the PT wedding of the century.

Along the way, the two run into a tribe of bongobutts who just happened to have captured Jack Sparrow and whom claim his as their kang. Jack will have nothing of this, and wants Keira instead, so he tries to escape. This is, imho, the best part of the movie after that.

Jack, Will and KO Kaingly are reunited until a musty butt captain shows up.
Jack owes this guy oates too, only there is a problem. Milo keeps visiting me as I write this review and this captain is an octopus with crew full of hammerheaded guys and stu fishy crew.

What follows is many sword fights and oates between Johnny Depp and Ko herself, that no one saw coming. Orlando will have nothing of this and plans on deshlonging Jack in the next film. Or so we think.

So did I really enjoy this movie?

By all means I did. I believe this film was even better then the first film. If you like Kiera Knightly (my future wife), then you'll love this film. Also if you're a fan of Jack Sparrow and Orlando Stoom, then you'll enjoy it as well.

If you like bongobutts and john ligthgow, you'll ALSO enjoy it.

This movie shows that Disney has a darker side to it, that is now finally and I do mean FINALLY showing through. This movie could have easily passed for a PG-13 because it sure deserved it. No wait, it already has a PG-13 rating. See, thats one closer to R. What has Disney done to themselves. All I know is, I don't care, this film was great and is a must see for fans of the series and the ride in Orlando (bloom).

3.8 stars out of 4, well done, for a Disney film (that says a lot in my book)




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One of many sword fights that just happened to ruin the filming of King Shlong II. Peter Jackson was mistakenly run over, but survived as King Kong lifted the wheel and ate Jack and Will.

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"Now tell me again love, he wants to do what with my rear end?"

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Elizabeth's boobs be this big sir.

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Lets make it ALL FOR ONE, and ALL FOR LOVE!! No wait, wrong Disney movie.
"I won, you losht, get ushed to it shon"
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