Rambo, First Blood (Ramblow, First Pud)

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Rambo, First Blood (Ramblow, First Pud)

Postby Kaing of Kaings » January 22nd, 2005, 5:50 pm

Here's another Netflix review that is being channeled to me through psychic powers from our esteamed movie critic, Buthesda Cobblebottom. After a viewing of Rambo, First Blood a couple days ago, he was inspired to force me to write a review in exchange for one night with an Asian Chick from Saigon. Naturally, I couldn't resist. So here it goes. (SPOILER ALERT- IF YOU READ ANY FURTHER AND HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE< YOU MAY BE PISSED OFF BECAUSE YOUR MOVIE EXPERIENCE WILL BE RUINED BY AN INSANE CRITICS OPINION)

Rambo starts off when Sylvester Stalone (John Rambo, Ex- Green Berret that was tortured like a Mantha during the Viet - F&*^ing-Nam War) shows up in Mukilteo (Leeroy Turtlehead's formal stomping grounds) Washington. He is a drifter and wants to meet his buddy from the War that was killed by cancer from the Agent Orange they used. Sad, he next turns his sights on Leeroy Turtlehead's old apartment neighbor, and decided to kill him with his bowie knife for the torture Leeroy had to put up with.

A local cop, played by the Fat alien guy in Cocoon, shows up and will have none of that in his town, since the law prohibits hessians from passing through. He tries to take Rambo out of town but eventually forces Rambo to spread-em when he tries to walk back to town for some unknown reason.

The next thing we know, Rambo is in the Mukilteo city police office where he starts having flashbacks from Nam about a Mantha getting beaten by a Stuboy. This forces Rambo to escape the police station while kicking some serious ass. He steals a crotch rocket and makes his way out to the woods where he is chased mercesly by the cops. One of the cops is played by the guy that replaced my transmission that didn't need to be replaced at AAMCO. He later falls from a helicoptor cause he is inherently stu.

Anyway, Rambo's old Green Beret comando boss shows up (Same guy who was in Hot Shots, Part Deux which spoofs Rambo) and trys to negotiate with the police that Rambo is not a Hessian and will kill all of them if they try to capture him. Well the story goes on and pretty soon, a bunch of explosions blow up Mukilteo and Rambo has his day in court.

Overall, Buthesda thought that the movie was good and entertaining. It is a typical 80s movie action and some of it is a little stu. The ending, I thought, was anticlamatic of course in these days and age, our attention spans are getting shorter and older movies just seem to be a little stu. However, the movie was given 3 out of 4 stars. A viewing of the sequel, Rambo, First Pud 2, Rambo goes crazy in Asia, will happen tonight. hea.
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Postby leeroy_t » January 23rd, 2005, 1:12 am

ha, funniest review ever!, mukilteo, haaaa
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Postby TheStuboy » February 7th, 2005, 5:16 pm

I thought this movie should have recieved a G rating for gay. I just saw it thanks to Netflix, and I thought it was horribly stu. It was super dorky and contained many bad acting scenes from Stallone, especially the end, which left us saying, wtf?

I expected the guy from Cocoon to die too, because he was such a bad actor. I like where this was filmed but the film itself was horrible. I guess that could also be because I missed a whole chapter thanks to a damn scratch that my DVD player wouldn't get past.

If you like a lot of allleeeaeaahhall and ulleeah and ahhhhhhh! ahhhHhH!!! Oooff. (stallone breaking his ribs as he falls from a tree, its really in the film look it up)

I expected much better from this than it gave me.
Worst action movie since Ernest Shoots Up a Town in British Columbia and Then Hides in the Woods.

Also, I noticed quite a few mistakes, from a visible ramp making the motor cycle jump to a visible boom mike in a police car, and bad acting by that one guy that was in Hot Shots part Heaau.
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