The DaVinci Code (The Jebes Code)

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The DaVinci Code (The Jebes Code)

Postby leeroy_t » May 20th, 2006, 1:38 am

Just got back from watching the DaVinci Code, the first movie Ive seen in the theather in Oakland! The theater was packed, very warm, one stu lady brought a baby and there were a bunch of stugirls giggling in the audience.
Anyways, on to the review.

If you have read the book, the movie will make perfect sense to you as it is almost exactly like the book. However, a number of details are left out of the movie, and the movie tends to move quickly through the storyline and this could lead to confusion to those stus who have not yet read the book.

The movie starts with Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) a professor of stuology showing how images mean different things, such as the swastika is a Navajo peace symbol that was used on AZ highway signs prior to the Nazis fking it up. Meanwhile a stuboy albino who wears a barbed wire thong is turning the curator of the Louvee Art Museum in Paris into a corpse. Robert Langdon is called to the museum and then lots of shit happens and he begins being chased by that French guy who is in every movie that takes place in France ( Ronin, etc....) Langdon and the KO Sophie who he bones at the end of the book but not in the movie go through all this shit of going to a bank with this key and they solve about a million puzzles then they end up at Gandolfs house and he tells them stories of little hobbits and elves that once ruled the world and who are decendents of jebes himself. They proceed to fly on to england where lots of crap happens that goes by too quickly in the movie to understand but if you have read the book it makes perfect sense. Anyways lots of ppl betray others and sophie finds out she is really jebes' decendant and they all live happily ever after. Its the first movie in France staring Tom Hanks where he isnt turned into a corpse at the end in slow motion. He gave a turtleheaded performance in this movie and might get an award for fatest neck in a lead role.


Anyways, I enjoyed seeing the book come to life. I can understand how stus who havent read the book would find the movie confusing and somewhat stu as many details in the book are left out in the movie. such as the dude in the church at the end is really sophie's brother, but the movie never tells you this. I would rate the movie a 3.14159/4 as it was quite entertaining and I knew exactly what was going on eventhough the rednecks and bros around me probably didnt get it. Its not an over the top thrilling action movie, but it flows pretty well.

Warning:

If you believe every word in the bible or are devotly Catholic you should not see this movie as you will think its real, get really pissed that someone is insulting you, then leave a big flatch in the theater as you storm out.
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So Kang the Shlong of Man

Postby Kaing of Kaings » May 20th, 2006, 12:27 pm

So Kang the Stu of Man

Ell, it looks like this movie is worth seeing after all. I have not seen it yet but plan on seeing it when my woman comes down here next weekend.

Did you go to the Grand Theater? If you go in the up stairs bathroom, you can see where I left a monument and where all the bums go and pee.

As far as the movie, I think the reason why it is getting such bad reviews is because people are stu and take this stuff too seriously. They believe it’s an attack on their religion and stu people will believe in it. I think that even if it was true, it wouldn't change what Jebus' message was. Anyway, I think it’s good to shine new light on things and look at things in a different way. People need to have open minds in order for progress to occur.

I'm looking forward to seeing this movie. I thought the book was fun to listen to and it kept my interest the whole story. I listened to the book on CD when I went on vacation last summer.

P.S. (no not Priory of Sion) if you liked The Da Vinci Code) you will like Angels and Demons which is Dan Brown's prequel to The Duh Vinci Code. Robert Langdon is the main character and he goes through all these puzzles again. Definitely read it or buy it book on CD.
Harry: " Whoa, Jesus, Check out the butt on that one."

Lloyd: "He must work out."

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Postby leeroy_t » May 20th, 2006, 2:33 pm

Ell, I didnt see it at the Grand Lake, I saw it at the Regal Jack London Square.

My theory on the movie is, if you have read the book, you will enjoy the movie. If you have not read it or you believe in jebes you will be confused or pissed.

Overall the movie was quite entertaining, so I definetly recommend seeing it. Dont expect a Saving Private Ryan movie however, the movie just isnt made that great. Expect to be able to visualize the book that you have read.
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The Duh Vinci Code

Postby Kaing of Kaings » June 1st, 2006, 9:17 pm

Well, this weekend my woman and I got to see the movie I was waiting to see all year. And that movie is The Duh Vinci Code. After many months of Anticipation and listening to the book on CD, I was thinking this would be a sure fire hit. The hype hit the max at the Caine Film Festival and then the movie opened to shitty reviews and boos from the critics.

And then there was the controversy. The Catholics and almost every other stu, jumped on the protest bandwagon because they believed people would believe the controversial subject of the movie and novel. They were also pissed off at Tom Hanks' hair and his turtlehead face/performance. As it turns out, the movie addresses the controversy in subtle ways but remains mostly true to the novel.

Like Leeroy said, this is how I imagined the novel when I was listening to it. The characters and their dorky situations were all there until the end at Roslyn Chapel in Scotland where Tom Hanks' character blows a big fart on Sophie’s face. That was totally not in the novel. Anyway, on to the review.

Unfortunately for my woman and I, we had to sit two rows away from the screen so our necks were bent back during the whole two hour and something minute film. The car chase scene was like the Bourne Stupremacy movies with Stuboy Camera filming techniques. Tom Hanks' head was so big, I thought it would come out of the screen and suck everybody up. To bad he didn't suck up the stupid people who insist on talking and bringing children and babies to movies. Can't you people find a damn babysitter? It's not like your kids will understand the movie or Paul Benttany's naked flagellations.

There were parts of the movie I was interested in like the scene at Ian McKellen's house (Sir Leigh Teabag). But for the most part, I wasn't too moved by what was going on. It's not that it is a bad movie, it's just that its not great. Its in that Batman Begins realm where i'm not sure where to put it but I do believe it was better that Ballman Begins. Anyway, I feel the novel is better, as is usually the case. The movie was ok up till the end where it got a little slow. The acting, (especially by Tom Hanks) was stiff and dorky. The chick (Audrey Tautou) was hot but she didn't really connect to Hanks like I thought she should. Paul Benttany did a good job as Silas the scary albino with pink eye and the best performance was Ian McKellen's, Sir Leigh Teabing. Some other flatchulent characters had pass gas performances.

Overall, I would give the movie 2.95 Stars out of 4. I hope the movie version of Dan Brown's, Angels and Demons is better than this.

P.S. Does it matter if Jesus was really married? Does it change what he said and what his message was? No, it doesn't. It may mean that he was a human like everyone else and had the same flaws, but it doesn't change the fact that he was a great man who inspired millions to be better people with his words and wisdom. You don't need magic tricks or immortality to do that.




Image

Robert Langdon: "So if I take this thing and shove it up my butt...it will unlock itself and my turtlehead face will disappear?"

Sophie Neveu: "Mr. Langdon, I do believe that we have to use some kind of code. Hence the name of the movie we are in "The Da Vinci Code". Now if you please. Remove your turtlehead face let us get to the next scene where we discover the location of the roll of toilet paper that has the seven digit number to unlock the mysteries of why Scary Movie 4 was made."

Robert Langdon: "Hmm, so that is why we are on a movie set. What's the code to get to the ending scene where we "Oates"."
Harry: " Whoa, Jesus, Check out the butt on that one."

Lloyd: "He must work out."

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