16 Blocks (16 Legos)

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16 Blocks (16 Legos)

Postby TheStuboy » March 8th, 2006, 6:45 pm

After fighting my way through horrendous traffic and ending up a couple of minutes late, I was treated to someone getting arrested on State Street, and the film 16 Blocks at the Century 16 in S. SLC.

Here is the official list of previews that are on this movie:
The Sentinel, which stars Michael Douglas in a fugitive like story.
V is For Vendetta - a very kang looking movie
Basic Instinct 2 - Basic Boner 2
and Flight 93, which gives me the chills.
Oh yeah, and there was a sheeit movie too called ATL (or ABM another bla I mean boring movie)

Anyway, like I said, I saw 16 Blocks.

Bruce Willis is an old fart cop who just can't seem to figure out what he is doing with his life, and why he keeps getting thrown into Diehard roles. You could almost consider this movie to be Diehard With A Vengence 2. Anyway, Bruce is on his way home for the day when he gets a note from an extra that he has to take Mos Def (most annoying person eva) to the court house so he can testify in some unknown at that point case.

So Bruce willingly agrees, and gets Mos Def from the jail cell he is in. Mos is a witness though, why is he locked up? We never find out. Anyway, so the stus start their journey through the always crowded streets of New York. That is until Jeremy Irons and a few other stus try to stop him in the first of many gun fart fights. So Def and Willis ditch the car and then run into a building, only to be caught, or to be ran into by the man himself: DAVID MORSECODE. David Morsecode wants to take over Willis' job, because he thinks Willis is getting too crusty and that his youthful gum chewing will help the case more than a turtle problem. Anyway, if you haven't already seen it coming, Morsecode is the bad guy, so yet another gun battle happens and a guy goes uhealaah.

Def and Willis escape out a back door and stupidly run into another building, only to get caught again. Willis has a plan though, he runs out another building and into a bus with Def close behind. The two then hold the bus HOSTAGE situation, while Willis reflects on his crappy life, and ultimately creates a continuity error that should be obvious to anyone who is paying attention, hint, watch the newspaper very carefully. Anyway, a dorky standoff with some unknown stu happens, and Willis comes up with another plan. This time, he steals one of the passangers pair of underwear and tells Def that he can use it as a disguise.

But Def can't leave his new friend in the bus alone, so he gets back in, and guess what, they escape yet again. David Morsecode gets more pissed off as time goes on. Did I mention Def gets shot? So they take an ambulance ride with surprisingly no cops knowing about it, and save his life. This is the last time we see the two together, and also is where a lame plot twist happens. Bruce goes to face Morsecode, and Morsecode says I'm in charge here so STFU. All the while, he is using a KDX transmitter he borrowed off of a passanger, and records the entire conversation, in which Morsecode incriminates himself. The end, all is happy with Def too, he finally gets to make cakes for people, and take photoshopped pictures of his business.
Stu ending.


16 Blocks is by no means another Diehard. It falls miserably short of that standard. Bruce has caught the Harrison syndrome, and his stunts are kinda kang. Not to mention he acts like he feels old, which could either be a good or bad thing, you decide. Anyway, Mos Def was a bad choice. I would have reteamed Willis with Jackson (Samuel L) because at least Sam would have not been as annoying as Def was. I hate his voice, it sounds like someone is stepping on his crotch throughout the whole movie. So, overall, it was better than Firewall, but not by much. I give it 2.8 stars out of 4. Look for a cool preview for The Sentinel, and you will probably get a boner or so when you see the Basic Instinct Stu preview.

2.8 Stars out of 4 for 16 Blocks.

Bruce: You know I'm a part of this too, I got all the evidence I need right...
Morse: I'm in charge here, so shut the fk up!
Bruce: Didn't Gene Hackman say the same thing to Denzen?

Donner: When the train comes this time its not going to take out the whole station like in Diehard, okay, this film isn't Diehard for the last time!
"I won, you losht, get ushed to it shon"
Danny Glovershh - Shhootersh.
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