The Chronicles of Daria, The Milo, The Mantha, and the BEAT

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The Chronicles of Daria, The Milo, The Mantha, and the BEAT

Postby Kaing of Kaings » January 29th, 2006, 1:11 pm

Imagine if the end of your closet was actually not the end at all. Imagine if you walked to the end that you suddenly stumbled into a magical land where Giant Mantha's talk, where Milo's fight side by side with humans against the forces of the White Bitch. Where human breeding between goats, horses and cows has become so unregulated that half human half goats/horse/cow people are seen everywhere. Imagine you became KANG or Queen of this land.

Such is the story of The Chronicles of Narnia, The Lion, The Witch and Michael Jackson's Wardrobe. The land of Narnia, as opposed to the land of beat or Kitkat Nation, is in trouble because the White Witch (Played by Tilda Swinton) has control over everything and makes it winter all the time. A half human/ half goat man leads a little girl to his house where he plans to beat, but instead he has a change of heart. Thus, 4 kids (two boys and two girls) must make a journey to save Narnia from this Witch who has chewed on too much Dentine Ice.

They meet a lion named Aslan/Jesus (played by Liam Neeson) who is the true Kang of Narnia. In one scene, the children go to this fair thing where they have a medieval roller coaster. Adam Goldberg shows up and starts smoking a cigarette. Aslan gets mad since there is no smoking allowed in public places in Narnia so he proceeds to decapitate poor Adam Goldberg...son of Adam... and the blue screen begins to screw up. Its a pretty hilarious site. Anyway, the story goes on from there and a huge Lord of the Rings battle insues between the good children and the wicked Witch of the Icy/Hot kaingdom. The battle is actually kind of funny because a bunch of Milo's are on the side of good and they run out infront of the charging army and attack the Mantha's on the evil side.

There are many parallels to the Lord of the Rings series because the author of the book Chronicles (C.S. Lewis) was friends with J.R. Tolkien. However, C.S. Lewis was a devout Christian and a GWB follower and this is evident throughout the film due to the many references to the bible and the corruption in the Republican runned congress of Narnia. This movie was directed by Andrew Adamson...Son of Adam, who directed Shrek and Shrek 2.

Overall, I would have to say that this movie is no Lord of the Rings , and I dont think that it will ever top that trilogy. This is a children’s version of LOTR without blood and without Frodo. The visuals are pretty good and the child acting is better than anything seen in the New Star Wars movies. The story is ok too but coming on the heels of LOTR, it seems familiar. I will give this movie 3.25 stars because it isn't that bad. Expect to see more movies made from the Narnia series since this movie is still making money.


Aslan: "Damn it. How many times is Adam Goldberg going to wander onto the set. "

Boy: "Oh oh. Are you going to eat me?"

Aslan: "Hold on a minute boy. You will be my dessert after I take care of Adam
Goldberg standing over by that Medieval Rollercoaster. This is the last time he is
going to wander on the set like this."
Harry: " Whoa, Jesus, Check out the butt on that one."

Lloyd: "He must work out."

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