Streaming brought us some quality flatch features and some stinkers as well.
So with out further a-do, here's the best of 2021.
BEST OF
1) Ghostbusters: Afterlife - A tribute to Harold Ramis that seriously made me tear up the two times I saw it. The second time I saw the movie I knew it was coming but still lost it.
2) A Quiet Place Part 2 - I would be dead in that universe. I have constant bad gas in the mornings, so I would unwillingly get myself killed in my sleep thanks to my farts.
3) Coda - Deaf people like farts too. So incredibly proud of this feature for beating Dune and Power of Ahg.
4) Nobody - A B to the W festival with Saul from Better Call Saul. Bob Odenkirk kicks ass.
5) Spiderballs: No Way Home - Tobey Mcquire can't figure out why he's where he is, and Andrew Garfield plays a depressed spiderballs, because he only got 2 movies. A great popcorn flick.
5) (tie) No Time to Die - Bond goes out with a bang... literally.
6) Raya and the Last Dragon - A hea animated feature with pheart.
6) (tie) Luca - My name is Luca, I live on the second floor
7) The Eyes of Tammy Faye - We all know televangelists are bad people. This movie reinforces that.
7) (tie) Tick, Tick... Boom! - Andrew Garfield is stuck in a shitty apartment in NYC with writers block
West Side Story - I just pissed my pants in front of Maria (should've won for cinematography) Finch (tie) - Castaway Hanks creates a robot for his dog and it made me tear up. Damnit. 9) Jungle Cruise - Das Boot chases Emily Blunt's stuck up face through the jungle, while the Rock can't smell his own farts.
9) (tie) King Richard - Keep my tennis balls out your mother fucking mouth
10) The Forgotten Battle - Operation Market Garden fell flat on its face
10) (tie) Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard - Much better than the first film, saved mostly by Selma Hayek (and her boobs)
I am a grown ass man, and seeing ghost Harold Ramis rocked me to my core. I lost it. Mission accomplished.
Honorable MOVIE mentions:
The Ice Road - Bad CGI, but a fun ride along with Liam Neeson as an Ice Chode Trucker. Lots of old man fights.
Those Who Wish Me Dead - Angelina sees fire and ballwarz
8 Bit Christmas - NPH tells a Christmas Story set in the 80s.
Godzilla Vs. Kong
Free Guy - Trying too hard to be Ready Player Own, with a tamer Ryan Reynolds. He should stick to Deadpool.
Nightmare Alley - The ending made up for the slow mess of a film.
Cruella - I saw the ending of the film. I agree with it winning costume design
Auchht - I'm too old for this ice road shit
Best TV of 2021
1) Cobra Kai (season 4) - Shit hits the fan. You're angry....... GOOD!
2) Yellowstone Season 4. The premiere has some of the most intense 15 minutes of balls to the wall I've ever seen. People are going to visit the train station this season.
3) Squid Game - A major shingfest that makes Hunger Games look like playing Uno.
3) (tie) Naked and Afraid - Season12 - Hungry animals can see a naked man and woman trying to live off the land. Camera operators can see a ween.
4) Walking Dead Season 11 - Negan and Maggie fart around the Pope, and he doesn't like that. The pope corpses early on so now what. The show needs to end.
4) (tie) 9-1-1: Lonestar - The spinoff is much better than the original show. Rob Lowe is a better actor, and their scenarios are crazier. Characters may be hea, but they're not wahs like Angela Bassett.
5) Wandavision - Elizabeth Olsen plays house with Paul Bettany, while Kat Demmings uses a cheap $30 antenna to dx whats going on.
When you've been trying to survive for 21 days with limited food and water, and a stu partner, oates is the last thing on your mind.
Honorable tv mentions:
Loki - The God of Mischief hangs around with Own Wilson to fight other Lokis who are screwing up the world's timeline.
Tiger Kaing (season 2) - Carol Fuckin Baskins steals the show and nothing new is learned.
Walking Dead - extended season 10 - Negan's episode was the best one in a while for the show. Carol and Daryl get pissed owf at each other and the other stus get kidnapped by storm troopers.
Housebroken - Season 1 - the show took forever to get going but is saved mostly by the turtle and some funny lines here and there. Let's hope it gets better.
9-1-1 Season 5. The show has gotten sluggish and C-note bailed out because he's an antivaxxer. Oh well.
Lets see, you've got anti-vax C-Note, Buck Compton, Jennifer Love Hugetits, Crotchety Bassett, Captain Smellsafart, Bald Lesbian Chick, Higuys, and Chimney. That's 9-1-1.
Worst of '21
Reminiscence - A major borefest with no bewbs and generally no point. Boring turd.
The Woman in the Window - No Amy Adams oates, typical Oldman, and a stu punk younger kid. It had great cinematography but was generally not that good.
Encanto - We don't talk about rip-off no, no
Don't Look Up - A confusing sleeper slow fart fest with fat Leo.
I Care A Lot - Trying to capitalize on Gone Girl, but Rosamund Pike shouldn't type cast herself as a constant bitch.
Licorice Pizza - Way too long, too convoluted, and characters you don't care for. Bradley Cooper should've had a bigger part and Sean Penn is oldballs now.
Dune - while it was pretty to look at, it was also pretty boring.
Stillwater - Borefest with a French accent. Oh ho ho baguette
This movie was on the same level as Dune, except Dune had special effects. It's just that nothing happens that you care about throughout most of its runtime that you can't wait for it to be over. It's one of those movies you would fast forward through if it was on VHS. Seriously, skip it.
And there you have it, finally we can put 2021 to bed and focus on our mask free 2022, especially since a judge with no experience made that decision for us.
