The Best (and Worst) Movies and TV of 2017

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The Best (and Worst) Movies and TV of 2017

Postby Kaing of Kaings » November 4th, 2018, 6:11 pm

Well it's almost 2019 and hopefully America will send a message to that orange asshole in the White House in 2 days that his behavior is unbecoming of a president and the country. Wow, bet you didn't think I would start off all political, but I digress. It's time to put 2017 to bed in the movies and TV to bed. I must say, it was a fairly good year for movies with a one 5 start movie (Coco) and one 5 start Doc (Ken Burns-Vietnam War). Other than that, there were some strong 4 star movies and few turds out there this last year. Let's just cut right to the point shall we. Starting off with the top movies of 2017. *=5 Stars

1. Coco* - (Remember Pussss, Even though she is a Puss)
2. (Tie) I' Tonya - (White Trash on Ice has never been more entertaining and yes, it does humanize Tonya)
2. (Tie). Wind River - (Get Blown Away in a Trailer)
3. The Big Sick - (Mousey Girl has to Take a Poop during a date)
4. Hostiles - (Christian Bale faces off against the whole wild west and comes out more stoic than ever)
5. I Don't Feel At Home In This World Anymore - (Frodo and a pissed off woman take on the world)
6. The Wall - (Doug Liman's frustrating sniper show)
7. It - (Protect your balls from Pennywise)
8. Dunkirk - (Christopher Nolan blows up real ships while Tom Hardy endlessly glides his fighter plan in circles around Dunkirk)
8. (Tie.) Only the Brave - (Thanos faces the fire)
8. (Tie) American Made - (Doug LIman's not so frustrating Tom Cruise Cocaine show)
9. Guardians of the Galaxy 2 - (Michael Rookers Blue Balls strike again)
9. (Tie) Thor Fragelrok - (The best Thor movie by far)
10. Mother! - (A fucked up acid trip inside a house)
11. Last Flag Flying - (Steve Carell, Lawrence Fishborne and Walter White get old balls)

Image
Remember Boy....even though boy passed away remember Boyyyy.

Here are some of the runner ups for the year. All the Money in the World, Ballwars in Cell Block 99, Colossal, Baby Driver, Despicable Me 3, The Disaster Artist, The Exception, Get Out, Jungle, Jumanji-Welcome to the Jungle, Kong-SKULL Island, Lady Bird, Lego Ninjago Movie, Logan Lucky, Mudbound, The Shape of Water, Stronger, 3 Billboards outside Ebbing Missouri, War for the Planet of the Apes and Star Wars Episode VIII - The Last Flatchi.

Best Docs so far with a 5 star Ken Burns Doc
1. Ken Burns Vietnam War*
2. An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power (Pooer to the People)
3. Five Came Back
4. The Final Year - (Obama's Final Year. A sobering picture of how a man's (Obama) legacy will be destroyed by a moron (Trump))
5. Lady Gaga, Five Foot Two - (Gaga sweats her ass off at the Stuperbowel)

Best TV So Far

1. Game of Thrones-Season 7
2. Better Call Saul - Season 3
3. Stranger Things - Season 2
3. (Tie) Shameless - Season 8
3. (Tie) Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 9
4. Get Shorty - Season 1
5. Black Mirror-Season 4
5. (Tie) Sneaky Pete - Season 1
5. (Tie) Fargo - Season 3
6. Dave Chappelle: Equanimity & the Bird and Dave Chappelle
6. (Tie)Ozark - Season 1
7. Mindhunter - Season 1
8. The Deuce - Season 1
8. (Tie) Genius - Season 1
9. 13 Reasons Why - Season 1
10. House of Cards - Season 5

Ok, now into the suck because you can't have the light without the dark right? Anyway, only saw a couple of what I think are stinkers.
1. Baywatch - (Not even Zac Efron and The Rocks ball sacs can save this smelly turd. Even the bouncing boobs don't save this. Couldn't even finish it)
2. It Comes At Night - (Something boring comes at night and makes people act really dumb.)
3. Downsizing - (Maaatttt Daammon gets his balls shrunk in this mess of a movie. Great concept, poorly executed)
4. Bill Nye Saves The World - Season 1(TV) - (One of my Childhood Heroes makes a terrible awkward TV show and interrupts his panel and embarrasses himself and his guests)
Harry: " Whoa, Jesus, Check out the butt on that one."

Lloyd: "He must work out."

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