Saban's Power Rangers (Babeon's Catbox Blasters)

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Saban's Power Rangers (Babeon's Catbox Blasters)

Postby TheStuboy » March 30th, 2017, 12:28 am

First things first, today's viewing of this monstrosity was through no fault of my own. I had absolutely no choice but to see this, and I'm sorry if it makes you think less of me. Think away. I know, I'm embarrassed too! I encourage absolutely anyone seeing this to think again before setting foot into "Power Rangers" this weekend, or any weekend for that matter. There are other films out right now that are probably better, though I can't name a one.

So I saw this at the Marcus Theater in Oakdale, MN, in the "Bistro" lounge, which means you can order food from your seat. A waitress or waiter will then come and ask you what you want and you can order burgers and sandwiches etc, and you pay from your seat. I've never seen this before and was impressed by it though I didn't have any interest at the time in using it since I'm poor.

The previews before this movie were just as bad as the main film itself. There is a lot of shit coming out in the coming weeks/months that I have no interest in seeing. A bunch of crappy animated movies. Wait, I suppose Poowee Rangers is marketed to kids. What about that PG-13 rating... wait, there are a couple instances of shit in this movie and an overused gag about milking a male cow.

The movie spends approximately one hour and a half developing the characters. I suppose since this is the first film in what is likely a bunch of shit piles, they have to introduce them and give them all a reason to exist. Otherwise it would be one black guy, one Asian guy, one white jock fungal blast, and two chicks of unknown ethnicity but boobs. Then you have the villain which has like five minutes of screen time. Seriously, almost 2/3rds of this movie is the stu kids trying to figure out how to morph into their stupid suits.

Since I don't care about spoiling this one, here goes....
The film starts with the fungal blast jock committing a crime that would most certainly put anyone in jail for a long time, but since he's a teenager he just gets detention (not to mention a very over the head joke about masturbation). Anyway, we meet the other stu rangers one by one after that, including a new girl who is honestly one of the worst actresses this side of Cop and 1/2. The five gain poowee stimulizing powers by blowing up a hillside because one kid happens to have access to explosives??? Really! Seriously, do you see the issues starting here? I mean wouldn't the people who are mining that particular area notice some big piece of glass full of little colorful pieces just sitting a few feet under the ground? No, because everyone in this film other than the main cast is oblivious to what is going on. (<<< PLOT HOLE #1)

Anywho the five find their stu pebbles and gain super powers, including fart power, which allows them to jump large gaps and somehow land like a super hero. They meet up with a jar jar binks robot underwater who happens to introduce them to a talking wall head who directs the teens to start their mighty morphin. Because they are teenagers, of course they can't do it. Cut to an hour and change of throw away shit and character development and OH WE HAVE A VILLAIN. A woman who has a lust for gold and for some stupid reason wants to blow up the world that isn't really focused on. Honestly, I was like, that's it? That's the plot of this movie? Thinner than a sheet of paper it is.

The last half an hour of the film is a stupid fight between giant gold balls and transballers rip off Poower rangers, including a stupid scene with the go-go power rangers song. There's no wonder I hated the show as a kid, and it's even worse now. This fight takes place in a small town likely somewhere in Canada since Vancouver is Canada's Hollywood. The whole population of the town happens to be out on the streets during this battle, but nobody seems to notice/care. Also there's a stupid scene where the Red Poowee Ranger saves his gay dad, because his dad is a fucking moron for driving around during a monster, I mean Transformer Fight. Seriously, Michael Bay could have directed this and I wouldn't have known the difference.

The movie ends with the Red Power Ranger getting kicked in the nuts by his gay dad (nobody has a mom in this movie), and the Asian power ranger (I seriously forget what color he is) trying to oates the new girl (pink or purple power ranger?). The Yellow Power Ranger has cleavage, that's about all that's redeeming about her character.

The worst parts of this film were the poor dialogue, the even worse acting, and the generally uninteresting story. I do give a few props to the cinematography, but ONLY when the camera isn't Tony-Scotting around. There are some major rip offs of much better scenes in much better movies that most people will notice (or just me). In all, it was exactly what I knew it would be... a CGI-filled turd.

Poowee Rangers gets .5 stars out of 5, and is #1 on the worst films of 2017 so far.

Hey, I'm the token black dude. I have explosives. Did I mention I was a teenager?
"You must spend an unnecessary long amount of time developing your team, otherwise you won't be able to ballwarz with the gold thing at the end of the movie"
"But I don't know how"
"Just look at my Bryan Cranston face, and think of Breaking Bad, which Stuboy still hasn't seen yet"
"Well he's trying to get through The Walking Dead (also on AMC) and X-Files before starting a new show".
"I shall use my wand to generate waves of methane that have the power to make the extras behind me just stand around like nothing out of the ordinary is happening".

On another note, how sad that Bryan Cranston and Elizabeth Banks sunk so low to be in this piece of shit film.
"I won, you losht, get ushed to it shon"
Danny Glovershh - Shhootersh.
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