A History of Violence - (A History of Flatchulence)

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A History of Violence - (A History of Flatchulence)

Postby Kaing of Kaings » October 1st, 2005, 11:54 am

Well, it was Friday afternoon yesterday and I was thinking it had been a long time since I had been to a Matinee. Since nothing else looked remotely interesting, A History of Violence stood out for some reason. I guess I was intrigued by the previews to see Viggo Mortensen kick some stu robbers asses and Ed Harris act scary. Oh, I new Maria Bello was in it (see Assault on Precinct 13's Toilets review) and she is a fine woman if I ever said so.

And so I went to the theater and sat in the back and waited. As the movie dragged on, I became to realize that this isn't as great as the critics are saying. It is slow in a lot of places and I found myself listening to the dry shuffle of foot steps on screen and the occasional flatch from somebody off camera. Needless to say, It wasn't what I was hoping for.

(Spoiler) A History of Flatulence is about a Stuboy who grows up in a rural Wyoming town and learns how to fart like the best of them. He gets in this farting contest in Defiance, Ohio and wins a Prize. Then he takes a Red Eye, home Into the Blue, and discovers the Serenity of The Greatest Game
Ever Played with Oliver Twist.

Actually, the real story involves Viggo, who plays Tom Stall and owns a cafe in downtown hickville Indiana. He serves his customers shitty coffee and pie with dingleberries. One day, two low life robbers come in and want to steal some money. Viggo does a Mighty Meghan Power Rangers move on these two bad guys and ends up killing both. (One thing I should mention here is that this movie was directed by David Croenberg who directed the Fly. In true tradition, every time someone gets shot, there faces are all blown up and it's pretty graphic and yet strangely funny.)

And so Viggo with his lovely wife (Maria Bello) and their dorky son and daughter are now in danger from a Scary Ed Harris who thinks Tom Stall is actually John Cusack. Its a case of mistaken Identity....or is it. Anyway, more people die, a stupid high school bully gets the shit kicked out of him, and giant alien machines come from underneath the ground to destroy us all.

Overall, I would give the movie 2 and a half stars out of 4. While most of the acting was good, especially from Maria, it seemed at times that Viggo was a little slow. From watching the Lord of the Rings special additions, it seems like Viggo is a dedicated actor who cares about his craft. But in this movie, it just comes across as dry and flatulent. Maria did a good job and while her nudity shot was only brief and still not worth the 6 dollars paid, I like seeing her movies because she gets naked in every one. So now that I have confessed that I’m a perv. take this advice with you.....If a scary guy comes to your town and thinks you are John Cusack, kick him in the nut sack.
Harry: " Whoa, Jesus, Check out the butt on that one."

Lloyd: "He must work out."

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