Fantastic Four - (Fantastic Flatch, or flop or flub...)

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Fantastic Four - (Fantastic Flatch, or flop or flub...)

Postby TheStuboy » August 17th, 2005, 11:57 am

Its been a long long time since I've seen a movie in the theaters, and the last time I went was to see War of the Worlds. That aside, lets begin.

Last night (8/16/05) I was able to attend the Fantastic Four showing at the crappy GR theatres. I did not expect anything from this film, and thats what I got, nothing.

(spoilers ahead, though you can still read it since the movie blows)

Fantastic Flatch is about four stus who go into space for some gay experiment on the guy from Nip Tuck's space ship. They are there to see what would happen if a giant cloud of flatch were to hit the ship. Of course, in true comic book-turned movie style, something goes horribly wrong and the giant cloud of flatch hits the ship earlier than expected. *When this happens, the film shows a dorky sequence with the four stus getting hit and it is extremely laughable, even though thats not what was intended. I mean, personally I think Hollywood relies too much on CGI now days and I've become desensitized to it. I can't stand too much computer generated stuff because the movie loses value quick. As I said, this part is really dorky.

Back on Earth, everyone of the five has survived the cloud of flatch but each of them now has a different stuper power. Elastic guy can stretch any part of his body any length and still retain his dorky looks.
Invisible girl can become invisible and create force fields of flatch. Flamer can shout flame on and fly with fire out of his butt. *Lastly, there is the Shing, whom saves a bunch of morons after a huge ass car crash on a bridge after causing it in the first place.

I almost forgot the bad guy, Squarehead, the guy from Nip Tuck. He turns into the T1000 and can generate electricity through his arse.
Left to right: Elastishlon, Invisilign, Flamer, The Shing, Squarehead.

Still more spoilers ahead!
And so... the movie goes through a bunch of inconsistent parts that are really not worth much, and everyone tries to get into Jessica Alba's pants including the bad guy. *The ending sequence was not that impressive, I expected much more, as in the bad guy should have come back for one last confrontation, but then we wouldn't have the impending sequel would we?
Whoever wrote this apparently did not pay attention to the one detail that makes movies good, a story. Plot holes and continuity errors are obvious all through out the film. The script and bits of the acting are about par, but I still say Spiderman was done better.

The only thing that saved this movie was Jessica Alba, even though she isn't all that she's cracked up to be. I don't care if she is a KO, that doesn't mean she can act decent.

I suppose a bad script could be to blame for most of this film's downfall, but I also blame Hollywood for relying too much on hoaky CGI and not concentrating enough on story. Where's the beef?

2.0 stars for wasting $3.50.

Freddie Farz Jr, as seen in a Bend Oregon restaurant.

* - this denotes a dorky sequence that was laughable.

(For more information on the latest trend in Hollywood: Making shitty movies; see the Stus commentary in this forum section, coming soon.)
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