Star Wars - Episode III (Stu Wars -Revenge of the Shith)

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Star Wars - Episode III (Stu Wars -Revenge of the Shith)

Postby Kaing of Kaings » May 21st, 2005, 12:02 pm

Yes, after waiting in line for 2 and a half hours with tons of Flagstaff Star Wars fans/nerds, the review is finally here. The people who went to see this movie aren't your ordinary people. Sure they may look normal during any other part of the year, but when the last movie in their beloved series comes out; it's freaks and geeks who rule the world. Bobo Fett, showed up in full costume and was walking around shooting people with his lazer gun. There were a bunch of Anakin Skywalkers running around going, HEA1, and getting into dorky light saber fights, one that even took place in the median of the road next to the theater. I think that one of the peoples light sabers came apart and hit a passing car...it was pretty hilarious. Let us not forget the Princes Leas and Queen Amadalla's walking around and making out with the Anakins.....and the baby puke I stepped in while waiting in line.

The world had gone crazy that night, crazy for a piece of cellulite. Not the cellulite that can be seen in some asses or stomachs around the world, but the movie Stu Wars, Epic Chode III (Revenge of the Shith). (SPOILERS...do not read past this if you want to see this movie and not have it ruined). Based on the trailers and where Epic Chode IV starts, you know where the young Anakin (Hayden Christensen) ends up. He turns into Darth Vader and starts Shinging everybody who gets in his way. As Epic Chode III progresses, Senator Palpatine (Ian McDormand or something like that) wants to take over everything and have Skywalker as his apprentice. Then he will say "YOU’RE FIRED" to Donald Trump and his space dingleberries. Young Skywalker is torn only for a short while about becoming a Sith Lord (Darth Vader) instead of the Jedi he was trained to be.

He fears the death of his woman and my secret woman, Padamine (God can't Lucus come up with a better name, maybe Papsmear) during child birth. Anakin apparently had a steamy sex scene which they cut out to make the movie PG. Senater Palpatine suggest that young Stuwalker learn the Dark Side of the force to save his woman...and so he aggress. The Jedi and Green River city council is destroyed and the only ones left are...you guessed it...Yoda (Frank Oz) and BO one Kenobi (Ewen McGreggor).

Now a bunch of space battles happen, some pants fall down, and light saber shing battles ensue. You can probably guess what happens at the end.

The movie started at 12:30 in the morning on Thursday 19, 2005 and I didn’t get out of the parking lot until 3:30 because all the dorky Star Wars super fans were leaving at the same time. (PS. The preview for Speilberg's War of the Worlds looks cool) When I was walking out of the theater I was like, Ehhh, this is better than the last two new Star Wars movies although there was some big plot holes that were bothering me.

It seems like some things in the Star Wars universe defy the laws of physics, aging, and logic. But anyway, It is better than the first two. While the dialogue is still cheesy at best in some places, "I treated you like my brother. Well not like my biological brother...but like a half-brother." ...."Just give me one chance...One Chance , to go back and say, that they may take our lives....but they can never....take...OUR FREEDOM...." oops wrong movie. The acting was a step up from the last too but still, while Natalie Portman is hot... her acting skills seemed to have disappeared in some cases. Ewen does an ok job and is probably the best actor in the movie although how can you deliver George Lucas’s lines without them being KAING or stiff. The special effects were all computer generated so you know how that goes. Overall I would give this movie 3 and a half out of five stars because it wasn't that bad and worth seeing to complete the sixology...but it could of been better.
Harry: " Whoa, Jesus, Check out the butt on that one."

Lloyd: "He must work out."

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Postby leeroy_t » May 24th, 2005, 8:02 pm

kang kang, I saw some movie called Crash (Flatch) last weekend, it was a decent movie, stars hessian nights star Don Cheedle amongst other well known actors. Filmed entirely in LA, see lots of places u might recognize.
Oh Leeroy what a knockout!
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Postby TheStuboy » May 26th, 2005, 11:52 pm

I couldnt agree more Stuber.
The theatre wasn't packed when I saw it tonight, but it was pretty full.

About the movie, (MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW)

The acting on the part of Samuel L. Jackson, and Natalie Portman, hot though she may be, completely cracked me up how bad it was. Natalie's lines where almost as bad as ubstudios films, I mean come ON! She is much better than that.

The battle on the molten planet scene where Anakin gets shinged by BO One Kenobi was pretty intense. So intense, I had gas the rest of the film. I think this film could have been done better, and for the last movie in the series, it was pretty, eh. While entertaining, and chocked full of neat locations and good computer effects, it falls to the same rank the second episode reached, not as good as the original 70s and 80s Starwars was. Lucas, I'm disapointed.

I like the end sequence with Luke and Laya being sent off to where A New Hope starts off. The ending was probably well done except Natalie Portman bites the dust having been perfectly healthy, oh well, she sucks at acting anyways. I can not see how Spielberg cried during this film, I would have guessed he cried at Natalie Portman's horrible acting. I agree with Stuber, the preview for War of The Ballworlds was scary. The preview for The Island was pg (pretty gay), but the Fantastic Flatch preview looked pretty good.

Overall, it was better than the first two, but not by much. It was by far better than the very first episode with Darth Mau.

Again though, I expected better Lucas, though I credit you for doing a good job. Get to work on Indiana Jones 4.




You were like my brother, I loved you Anakin (keeeeahhhhhh in the background) You were the chosen one! (more keeeeahhhh).

2 2/3 out of 4 for effort and bad timing on Yoda's phart.
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