Tenet (Poop)

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Tenet (Poop)

Postby TheStuboy » September 15th, 2020, 11:23 pm

I couldn't find a better palindrome for this movie, so poop will have to doo ood.

Tenet (is a palindrome), is the latest Christopher Nolan (what was to be) summer blockbuster. Like the rest of movies coming out this year, it was screwed up big time by humans contracting the coronavirus. Unlike Unhinged, it does not contain Russell Crowe Fightin' Round New Orleans in a big ass truck that has GeocachingBronco on the back window. The film stars Denzen Washington's son John David Washington, who from here on out will be referred to Denzen's son or Denzen Jr. He even looks and sounds like Denzen, and, I would venture to say, has a bright future ahead of him. Denzen should be proud. Too bad his name isn't Denzen Jr.
Yes I am intentionally misspelling Denzel's name. If you knew me, you'd know it's an inside joke.

Anywho, it also stars Robert Pattinson, who has shed his vampire sparkle days and is doing big boy movies now (thank freaking God). It also stars Elizabeth Debicki who esteemed Cobblebottom movie viewers might recognize from Everest and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 which this reviewer has not seen yet. A bunch of other scary Russians and stu British guys round out the cast. Michael Caine has a short part and tells Denzen Jr. "good night you prince of Maine, you kaing of New England".


Tenet begins with a CIA operative (Denzen's son) joining in on an operation at an opera house in Russia, where shit goes b.a.n.a.n.a.n.a.s. After shit goes bananas, Denzen Jr. finds out he's been employed by a secret agency known as Tenet, in which he is shown that the world can move backwards because future sexy scientists have discovered a way to manipulate time. He also learns that his mission is to prevent world war III. So Denzen Jr. finds out the bullets he can fire backwards into his gun were invented by a scary Russian dude who has a hot wife who just wants the best life for her stuboy, and hates her husband. He makes it his mission to protect her. Robert Pattinson joins in because he's on the same team, and helps Denzen prevent WW3 as well.

So this is about an hour into the film here. This is where things started making more sense. I can go on with the plot but at the risk of giving away too much, and revealing too many things, I have chosen not to.


Sufficient to say, as I mentioned previously, the first hour of this film made zero sense. Stuff is happening and I'm flying by the seat of my pants eating my smuggled in M&Ms, and not knowing just what is happening. People are talking and awesome stuff is happening, in spurts, but I'm so lost. Until about the hour mark. Theeeeen things become clear. If you see this movie and get confused, wait until then. It will click.

I liken this to Nolan's other films such as Inception or Interstellar, or the Dark Knight movies (especially the first and third one).
Nolan's influences from those films are all over Tenet. The score is bombastic and overly loud (see Interstellar), and the visuals are eye candy, as is the main female protagonist. When the time ripple stuff starts happening, that's when the movie shines. Between those sequences are long periods of explanation where you either understand what's going on or get incredibly lost. I suspect subsequent viewings would clear things up.
This is one of those movies that you need to watch more than once, because you'll catch more each time. Interstellar is the same way. I haven't seen Inception since I saw it in the theaters (and I own the damn film), but I assume it will be the same when I do eventually get around to watching it again.

I will add that Nolan's WW2 film Dunkirk was a lot slower than this film, so it's got that going for it. That, and there's no guy gliding in an aircraft who keeps circling the beach and never seems to crash. There's also no Harry Styles or Cillian Murphy looking all scary like he does. No. In this film, you have Robert Pattinson, who does a pretty good job. The real star is Denzen Jr, John David Washington.

There are some comedic moments interspersed with the script but I think the tone overall makes the jokes a little, eh, flat? Maybe they're supposed to be? I did laugh a couple times when certain actions happened, like explosions or random old grandpas falling off a hospital floor while their grandson watches. Oops, that's night of the buttsters.

Overall, I kept thinking through the first maybe 30-45 minutes of this film that I wasn't going to like it, but like Lloyd Christmas, it totally redeemed itself, and the ending is highly satisfying. It sure takes a long time to get there though. The film is just 10 minutes shy of three hours long. Melanies reported that it felt long. Wahs would probably look at their watches.
Stuboys who dislike when Wahs look at watches would enjoy this film.
If nothing else, see it and then let them see you see it.

If you come out of the film feeling dumber, that's probably because Christopher Nolan wants you to think about what you just saw. This is typical for the director. He doesn't like pandering to dumb audiences. That's for films like Unhinged staring Russell Crowe. They are for dumb audiences, and idiots who ingest Chloroquine from fish tank cleaner thinking it cures COVID-19. Idiots.

Like the viewing of Unhinged, we saw this at AMC 16 Coon Rapids. There were only 4 or 5 people total in the theater and we had the best seat in the house in the way back.

I rate the theater 3 out of 5 stars.
I rate this film 3.868 who do we appreciate out of 5 stars. It's probably going to be #1 on my annual review of movies I've seen in 2020 that came out this piece of shit year.
Go see Denzen Jr. Denzen it up. He's my age you know. By the way, I know not everyone can do this right now but this movie is meant to be seen in the theaters. It was shot in IMAX, so it looks best on a big ass screen.

Denzen Jr. has just farted and Elizabeth smells it. Robert Pattinson hides in shame because in the reverse timeline, he farted and that's why Denzen Jr. is wearing a mask. Stinky

Pattinson: All natural and technological processes
Proceed in such a way that the availability
Of the remaining energy decreases
In all energy exchanges, if no energy
Enters or leaves an isolated system
The entropy of that system increases
Energy continuously flows from being
Concentrated to becoming dispersed
Spread out, wasted and useless
New energy cannot be created and high grade
Energy is being destroyed
An economy based on endless growth is


-Note in the future this review will be edited for clarity and grammar-
If you're seeing this in the past it hasn't happened yet... but it will. AHHH!
Last edited by TheStuboy on September 16th, 2020, 12:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Reason: Fart
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